Holy Crap-where does the time go?

I can't believe that it's almost Valentine's Day! What? What? My friends from Catch Con I bet are gearing up to start stalking Facebook for Catch Con tickets soon. Discovery channel has emailed me to take place in a Q &A for Gold Rush...thank you...but I really am not a fan. Hit me up when they actually strike it rich.

It's a rainy Saturday morning here at the ranch; we had another horse brought in last night, he was a rescue from the kill pen. The people that bought him are so nice, they were here this morning to check on him and said they would feed everyone else so I could sleep in. (Ha ha ha) I'm still up early. If the weather cooperates they are going to come back and ride Denali for me today. He is being a poop. He is just too much horse for me. So, I'm on the hunt for a confidence builder horse. Been searching all week since a deal for a previous horse I thought I was getting last week fell through. Really excited, can't wait.

Work is keeping me extra busy. Making the dollars to support my horse habit. It's a healthy habit. Getting on a horse and taking a trail ride is much more relaxing than coming home and drinking a glass of wine; now I'm only speaking about myself here.

I did manage to strain the tendon in my left wrist three weeks ago, so I'm some what gimpy. It's funny as you get older the little things start to break down on you at random times. I was just sitting in a meeting when I moved my wrist and I heard a "pop" and then ouch! Hopefully it will heal up soon. It doesn't seem to affect me riding. I have a class tomorrow.

One-eyed bull doggie is sound asleep in front of the heater. He did not appreciate all the snow we got in January. He would run down the stairs and do the deed then it was back up the stairs in front of the heater. He is slowing down some but still same old Gauge. He loves living here. He doesn't mind the horses any more. He is a good little barn dog. He enjoys his twice a day car ride down to the barn then he sits in the bar in "his spot" while I feed every body.

Soooo...I have been thinking about this for the past couple of weeks. I haven't been writing on here...and like so many that have come and gone before me some of my favorite writers that I have never heard from again, McGrid what happened to you?!, Maria's timeless deletes, Jolea's once or twice a year yachtie Key West updates, I too am feeling like I have no time for the blogging life any more.

Why I blogged-well freedom of speech and I had a story to tell. I have traveled down a long road to finally get where I am. I'm finally happy and free.

So the important thing to leave my readers knowing is that I'm doing fantastic. And if you have been hurt by someone you love(d) it's only a small stepping stone in your life. It will pass. You will heal and move on.

To those of you that I have friended and know how to actually find. Love you...and we are still buddies. Maria you owe me a birthday Marg. It's okay I owe you one too.

Happy trails and enjoy the sunsets...

Merry Christmas!

We don't have a Christmas tree in the house this year, but I did manage to locate Gauge's favorite hat for his traditional holiday picture! As soon as he saw me pull it out of the box, the tongue came out, the head hung low and he tried to slither off. Perhaps in his old man age the hat could be considered an act of senior abuse? Honestly I couldn't stop giggling the whole time-once the hat was on he did his best to pose for a couple of pictures and the moment it was removed the tail wagging started and life was injected back into his wrinkled body! He ran around the house as fast as he could go...

Silly Gauge...

I sure love my little old bully...

I can't sleep...don't worry Gauge is doing the sleeping for both of us.

It's freezing cold here. Twenty some degrees. I am looking at the clock thinking about how in 45 minutes I will have to be out in that cold feeding the horses. BRRRRRR

Never been much of a winter fan; it rains a lot during the winter months in Washington. We have been lucky enough to have just cold weather and some sun here and there for the last two weeks, with maybe a few showers here and there. I am okay with it being cold and sunny. Just none of that white stuff.

My whole weekend was very busy. I spent Friday night at my godparents. It felt good to get away from everyone. My godmother, godsister and I went to see the new Marilyn Monroe movie and then out to dinner.

Marilyn Monroe certainly had a narcissistic personality. She knew how to use men, probably without realizing she was even doing it. She played the "Oh save me" card a lot. Her life style and the people around her reminded me so much of Anna Nicole Smith. They kept each of those women drugged up and to her "people" she was their cash cow.

Sad, really.

Yesterday I went with the man to Olympia to this giant tack store. He has been wanting to go for a long time, I really didn't want to go because I knew he was going just to look. What a waste of a good Sunday! It is a long drive down. I made him drive there was no way I was driving all that way. So we get there and he spends what seems like eternity sitting on saddles and finding a "comfortable" one. I went and tried on tall boots. I only left with a couple of Christmas presents for people and the man left empty handed, as I knew he would. We stopped at a Mexican restaurant for dinner and it was nice just to sit and relax.

Ended the evening at home watching the latest Jack Sparrow adventure.

And here I am. Wide awake. Having to be extra quiet to not wake the man of the house.

Hope your Monday is a good one!

Lost picture of me riding Denali found!

I had forgotten that this picture was taken and tonight it was given to me! I'm so happy to have this! :)

I have been found....please cancel the APB...

I went M.I.A....

But life has been full of ups and some downs lately. To catch the maybe two followers I have left up to speed-here you go.

I moved in with boyfriend at the beginning of November. Moving out of a three bedroom house into a one bedroom cabin like style retreat home has been challenging. But we made it work. It was exciting and new and I was ready for a new start. Living with someone doesn't come with out it's challenges. I went from being on my own and doing what I want to living with a drill sargent of turning off the fucking lights every time I turn around. I'm dealing with it and Gauge is too...five years and you think you know someone...but you never really know someone until you actually live with them full time. That's when that person true colors come out and you have to stop and go 'woah...is this what I want to deal with for the rest of my life?' Well if he can't figure it out, then it's open for debate.

It's nice to be able to be so close to work right now. It's saving me a ton of dinero in gas. It has cut my gas bill in half! WOOHOO! I don't have much stress from the commute any longer and that is making me a much more nicer person to be around. HA HA. Work has been crazy as we try to make these outrageous goals and stay within our budget. They have put new responsibilities on us and are pushing us to be a sales force. Well, I fought and kicked and dug in my heels for a few months. I finally I had no choice but to give in. I even cried. I hate selling...loathe it actually. I hate that I have to sell and push and charge doctors crazy prices for pharmaceutical equipment. Well, the theater background came in handy and I have brought home a couple of good paychecks from my bullshitting, I mean errr ummm up selling. (Sigh) It's evil. Corporate America is evil. It's all about the bottom line. And the horrible thing is, I'm in charge of 3000+ corporate customers. So your big Dental groups, like your Gentle....Dental or your Bright....Now, I'm in charge of them. JUST ME. I'm the only Corporate CSR they have. Plus I do a ton of other shit. They always tell me I do a great job and that I'm appreciated...but I felt like if I didn't jump on board with the selling. They would find someone else to do my job that would. They say that everyone is replaceable...well...I don't believe that baby, cause there is only one me. And not everyone can juggle this crazy like I do! So far, I'm the only one in my team that has embraced the selling and is doing well. Thus, they are very proud of me and one manager has taken to calling me Bentley, because I will soon be driving a Bentley to work. Funny...if I was making that kind of money I would not waste it on a car. And no Maria it would not be on my own Starbucks....

Okay so lets talk about the other love in my life-Horses!
Denali is doing really well health wise. He is hanging out in his barn and being a good boy.

He has been pretty healthy and happy. I take him for walks, groom him and let him do his own thing. We are not riding because now that he is healthy he is full of piss and vinegar. He needs to be put in a round pen, which I do not have access to at this time, and worked. He is submissive to a point and will "join up" with me after with lunge or if I'm just walking in the pasture and ask him just to "come to". The nice thing about him is that I never have to chase him down. He always comes to me. My plan with Denali, because I know at one point I was frustrated and talked about selling him, is that I will have him trained by a professional trainer this spring, that will train him and me together. Once that happens we will see what happens with him. He might end up being boyfriends horse to ride and I get another. All in due time. But as of now, I have been taking riding lessons at a barn five minutes from home! I went there to learn to ride Western and the trainer told me that I needed to learn to ride English to learn to balance better in my set. I have taken four lessons so far. Posting is hard work, my legs ache after each lesson. But I am getting my confidence back in the saddle.

Yesterday I went for a ride with a friend on her little mare.

It was freezing cold out! She had a new saddle she wanted to try out on her horse and my saddle was getting dusty, so out we went. This little mare I'm on is so tiny compared to my giant Denali. It was a fun ride! And I did so well. I actually felt like I knew a little bit of what I was doing. And when we broke into a trot, I didn't bounce all over the place! IT WAS AWESOME!

Gauge has adjusted to being a one eyed bull doggy. I see him making changes to how he responds to things. I worry about him being on the farm with the coyotes. Therefor he is spending a lot more time inside than he's used to. I feel bad for him. I give him lots of bones to chew and try to keep him comfortable. He's my old man. And right now, Gauge is snoring and farting on his bed next to the heater. He is with out a doubt, very content and happy.

Am I all settled in my new place? Oh hell no. I still have some stuff in boxes. I hate moving. I hate unpacking. But I need to unpack. It will also show boyfriend that I'm staying. I can't believe December is here and that it's time to break out Christmas stuff...I know where it is. Getting the motivation to go out the storage and unpack some of it for a couple of weeks is the part I'm toying with.

Well enough about my boring life. I hope that you are all merry and good...

And remember....

Life is too short...live your life in the now.

I'm sorry...it's been a long time hasn't it...

This is what happens when you steal your interent from your neighbors...and then they up and move on you! How RUDE!

Anyways, speaking of moving...that's what I have been in the process of doing the last few weeks. I rented out my house and I am moving in with the man. My renters are from Colorado and have a two year old son. They are perfect for my little house.

Anyways, I should be all the way out this week and moved into cramped quarters for who knows how long....my man is so good to me though...he is re-doing his little house and installing a proper kitchen. Love him I do!

I will catch up with you soon...Gauge is good as well.

Later!

Tonight we be Fire Fighting...

Today I surgery on my thumb. It hurt-so I drank two margaritas. Then came home and decided to purge some garbage...

This is not one of my most brilliant ideas by far...I kind of forgot how dry its been. (The Margarita made me do it)
When I noticed how big the fire had gotten over the crackling noise OVER the TV...the flames were over ten feet in the air.

No worries though, I'm a prepared home owner.

Gauge, "Seriously, Mom WTF is wrong with you?"

Wait a minute what's in there...?

Why oh yes...right where my finger is pointing is a burnt up picture of the ex husband...tee hee how long has that been in the pile to burn?

All is well...we are good. Except I was annoyed that Gauge forgot the marshmallows.

Gauge Update numero dos

Last night was probably the worst of nights; lets hope it is the last one. Gauge's face swelled up something fierce and at 3am his incision sight starting oozing out this nasty goop. I cleaned him up and continued with the ice packs. He slept next to my bed so that I could monitor his breathing. I was very concerned that his airway might be cut off. He would start to pant at times, indicating discomfort and pain and I would jump out of bed to check on him. Wipe him up, ice him and try to go back to sleep. I had already made the decision that the half day of work that I was going to do today was so not happening. I woke up at 7am to find him a mess. He was oozing more at this time. I cleaned him up put his E-collar on him and tried to get him to hold still.

Got myself ready as much as I could and we were at the vets office when they opened.

The vet told me that she thinks that it could be one of two things. That he either is rejecting the implant or that he has an infection from the surgery. She thinks the likely hood of him rejecting the implant is small so she feels that it is an infection.

Honestly, I am pissed off at the doctor. And I will see how things go from here. I truly believe he should have been sent home with antibiotics from day 1. He was sent home with some super duper antibiotics today and anti-inflammatory today. She told me to call her tomorrow and give her an update on how he is doing. I hope he is better too. I never want to put him through this again. It's terrible.

Not only has it been terrible on painful for him. It's been hard all the way around on me.  I laid in bed last night feeling helpless...and there came those damn tears again. I have tried so much to give him a comfortable life, yet here I am causing him more pain. I felt like such a jerk. He is snoring in the living room with his e-collar on. That makes me feel better that he is finally resting this morning.

After the vet we drove out to boyfriends; I had to turn out Denali and give him his grain. These two giant bald eagles were flying over his pasture...it was so beautiful. I wanted to fly off with them. Leave all my troubles behind.

I let Gauge out of the car for a bit to potty. He moved around the yard and wagged his tail. He seemed to perk up a bit. The most I had seen since Friday morning pre-surgery. It gave me some hope. Then I had to wipe him up again.

I'm supposed to be on vacation-but really it has been a Gauge -cation. Oh well. At least I'm getting paid to lay in bed in my p.j.'s and write this nonsense today.

A peaceful moment on Friday

Denali and I snuck a ride in while waiting for the vet to call me on Friday. We rode a trail behind the property that ended right at the water. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I wanted to stay there forever...and then the vet called. It was time to go pick him up.

Denali is doing very well...he still has his moments, but we're both learning. (He sure looks good in that saddle doesn't he?)

Gauge is having a rough weekend. We're going back to the vet tomorrow...they said there would be some swelling...but how much is too much? His throat and jowls seem to be hurting him. I'm trying so hard to be strong. And find myself telling him he can get through this...but I wonder if I'm just talking about myself?

Gauge update

Gauge looks rough...he feels rough too. Last night he was up every two hours wanting to go outside to potty as the anesthesia wore off. Then at 3:30 in the morning everything wore off and he woke me out of dead sleep in pain. I tried to get him to take a pain pill but he cried out in pain each time I tried to open his mouth. It was an awful experience-somehow he figured out that pill was going in whether he wanted it or not and to just eat it. He slept two more hours and then was up again.

I didn't think leaving him alone today for long periods of time was a good idea. I had a baby shower to go to, I ended up not going. I left the house long enough to feed Denali and repair a fence. Then I was back home with my little patient who greeted me with a bit of wiggle of his butt.

This is taking some getting used to, not going to lie. I cried like a baby when the vet assistant brought him out. I was pathetic. A nice man was there and told me his grandmother has a one eyed English Bulldog too, and that he gets around just fine; he told me that he was going to be okay...that I would be okay. It was sweet. I felt like I should have been stronger, but you just can't prepare yourself for that. It didn't help that when I walked into the vet he was howling. They told me he'd being doing it since he woke up. I asked if he was in pain, they told me no, it was probably just because he was in a kennel where everyone was walking. More howling.  I said loudly, "Gauge you're okay buddy." and he stopped and didn't do it again. Then they brought him out....he has bandages on both front legs as well as his eye being sown shut.

The vet also found a tumor on his left leg. She cut it out and sent it off to the lab to make sure it is not cancer.

I'm hoping that from here on out...all my family and my fur kiddos can just be healthy and happy.

Gauge is resting...and so am I.

Tomorrow is a hard day for this fur-kid mommy

Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow I take Gauge in for his eye surgery; the vet will remove his right eye. As the receptionist at the high priced eye clinic said, “it will just look like he is winking at you. He will look so cute!” I however, cannot help but feel that I am responsible for his new disfigurement. For some people I know this may sound mellow dramatic, well, I have never been one to never not be dramatic in a time of a crisis in my life, but…when I stop and look at how the last five months have been-well it’s been a bit dramatic in of itself.

April was my horse getting phenomena.

In May there was the sudden and tragic death of my Uncle and cousin, (cousin by marriage).

June was actually a little bit of break but work continued to suck the life out of me.

July was the passing of my Grandpa Norman. And my horse got sick, again.

August Gauge decided he was going to go blind on me all of a sudden one morning. Another death in the family.

Back to my point of this guilt I have with Gauge. I can’t help but feel that if I wasn’t so wrapped up in the goings on of my family and my horse that I wouldn’t have missed the signs that Gauge was giving me that he needed my help. I keeping thinking, what if I had seen the signs earlier, what if I had paid better attention to him? Would I have been able to have saved this eye?

A co worker keeps telling me that was probably nothing I could have done. She is so kind to me, and really has been my biggest support through this. She has dogs, so she gets “it”. I guess is that I also fear that he will go blind in the other eye as well. I am treating his good eye trying to hold off the disease in that eye. My little buddy is nine years old. How time has flown by with him. It doesn’t seem like long enough. Having to make these choices and be his voice for what is right for him isn’t always easy. It’s damn right hard. And I have cried so much over that damn eye ball. Seriously, is he really going to care?

I have decided to take some vacation away from work. I took tomorrow off, I will go in for a couple of hours on Monday and then take Tuesday and Wednesday off. I am really and truly burnt out. So much that I am not a nice person at work. I have to fake it to get through most days and that is so hard. Because I really don’t like sounding so fake on the phones when my eyes are rolling and I’m pretending to jab myself with a pen. Yeah that just sucks. Not going anywhere just staying home with Gauge.

All the stress has caused me to not write. It causes me to take forever to finish a book. My biggest joys are seeing Boyfriend, Denali and Gauge and sleep.

Speaking of sleep…I think I will go to bed. Here’s to a whole new Sir Gauge Hubba Bubba…

I leave you with this photo montage of Gauge at his best...

Kayaking with friends

We didn't let the fact that the sun was hiding keep us from not enjoying ourselves! We had a blast!

Okay so let's play catch up....

Finally!

Boyfriend is on his way home from fishing...it was a loooooooooong ten days and I can begin to feel myself having heavy withdrawals. It felt like a body part was missing. I know, suck it up.

They had a fantastic time fishing, except boyfriend had to an have an emergency root canal up in Canada. He wasn't going to go to the dentist, but his friends put their feet down and drug him there. It's a good thing too, because his face swelled and he looked like a chipmunk. I was not impressed with his recklessness on his health; it scared me quite frankly. I have a dentist appointment ready for him on Monday for them to finish what the dentist in Canada started. Besides that, they caught lots of fish. Including a forty pound King Salmon. I'm sure there are plenty of stories to be told when he gets back tonight.

Today was Gauge's follow up appointment at the eye specialist. I really wish I could say it went well. But it did not. His eye with the glaucoma did not respond to the medication he has been on for ten days and therefore, the pressure has increased. His other eye, which had the ulcer in it is healed, which was the positive news for the day, however, it was tested for glaucoma and it is showing signs of glaucoma in that eye. So these are our options: Gauge will receive medication for the glaucoma in both eyes for the next 14 days. If his right blind eye does not respond to treatment then he will have to have it removed. The left eye we hope will respond to the medication and that we are catching it in time to help reduce the inflammation and thus prolong his sight. Gauge is nine years old...he has lived a very long life for a bulldog.

Today on our way home from the doctor we stopped at McDonald's and had a picnic underneath a tree in the shade. Gauge enjoyed a little cheese burger and I my chicken sandwich. I figure he might as well splurge a little. We then stopped by the Marysville Home Grown festival to visit a co-worker of mine who makes her own soap so she could meet him. It was hard getting to her booth because as soon as we walked up we were surrounded by people wanting to pet Gauge and talk about him. I was overwhelmed to be honest with all the people.

We are now home relaxing and puttering around the house. It's harder on me than it is on Gauge I'm sure. I'm preparing myself for the worst. If things get really bad, I just hope he goes to sleep one day and that is that. I don't want to be the one. It will kill a very big part of me.

Okay enough of the sad crap.

Last night I got to go on a trail ride with Denali and it was so much freaking fun! It was the first time in over a month and also with my new saddle. He did so well and after about ten minutes I got relaxed and could feel my confidence coming back. He is a good trail horse and will take good care of me. I think if the weather holds up we are going tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

So...if you all wouldn't mind...say a little prayer for Gauge. And maybe just a little one for me too...I need some strength to get through this...seeing him age has been so hard on me. I cry all the time. It makes me feel like nothing else really matters right now but loved ones. Everything else can just take a back seat and I'll be back later....

Life in a nut shell

Where have I been? What have I been doing?

To bring you all up to speed about Gauge first since that is where we left off last. He ended up tearing his stitches out of his eye from his surgery on Thursday night. After he did so, it was apparent to me that he had some sight in the left eye however none in his right. Remember, the right was supposed to be the good eye. I took him back to the vet that Friday morning for him to have the rest of his stitches out and the vet informed me that I really needed to go see the eye specialist.

After doing a bit of research online I did find NW Animal Eye Clinic, in Kirkland that was wonderful. We went in this Wednesday. The staff was very friendly, the place was clean and while we waited the nurse asked if I wanted a bottled water and if Gauge would like some water as well. Of course we accepted. The doctor came in and was very friendly and had a great touch. She confirmed what I had suspected. Gauge has glaucoma in his right eye and has no sight in it. However, he now has an ulcer in that eye! (For reals?) His ulcer on his left eye was healing really well, but she wanted to keep him on his drops for that eye because it wasn't all the way healed. Now, for the right eye. He will never regain sight in the eye. But the idea is to make him comfortable with the amount of pressure that he is getting from it. So, he gets drops in his eyes for the rest of his life or the alternative is to have the eye removed. We go back next Saturday for a test to see how much tear production he is producing and that will help us in seeing what kind of glaucoma he has; this will also help determine if this disease will carry over to his now good eye on the left. Could be months, could be years, could never get it at all. Gauge is nine years old. He has never had cherry eye, the doctor told me I have been pretty lucky with him from not having eye issues until now. Still its rough going through this.

Gauge is getting around just fine now. Like nothing is wrong...however sometimes he might bump into something on his right. Other than that, he snores like there is no tomorrow.

My friend Anna who I keep Denali at her house, she left on Thursday for the mountain camping tripping that I was suppose to go on. She took her two horses with her. It has been real interesting the last two days with Denali. He is so heard bound; he cried out all night long on Thursday and kept everyone awake. I felt really bad. Anna's husband Bill, had to get up early on Friday to leave with my boyfriend to go on the ten day fishing trip to Canada.

Yup. That's right. It's fishing time again...and I'm not on board-again. So boyfriend left at 4:30am for Canada with 4 other guys. They will be fishing for halibut, salmon, ling cod, crab and probably some oysters and clams. The weather this year is incredible and I kind of wish I went, but with 5 guys, that boat is way too small. I would not have had fun. So...no vacation for Heather. I'm busy taking care of animals.

My father and I are suppose to get together this morning to take a trip to boyfriends house and go look at the barn. I insist that it needs to be winterized better so I don't lose my hay. We lost 9 bales last year and that is a lot of money in hay to lose due to mold. Boyfriend is too busy with all his projects and running his business that he told me that is all up to me. Fine then...I will get it done...stand back and stay out of my way.

This weekend is Seafair weekend in Seattle. I don't go to things like that...but if you like traffic and crowds, then it's a great experience for you! You can watch the Blue Angels and the hydro races.

Well I suppose I better finish this last cup of coffee and hit publish! Have a good weekend! Stay cool!

Gauge after his surgery

His left eye is sewn shut. Poor baby.

Gauge has been asleep since I got him home. He's pretty drugged up. I have kept getting him up and putting him outside to stretch his legs and get his circulation going. He is fast asleep again on his bed, I can hear his tummy making noise then an occasional fart. I feel so bad for my little patient. I hope he wakes up soon. I'm not liking this part.

I am sleeping with my bedroom door open tonight, one ear at attention, in case anything should happen. I sure love this little guy a lot. He's nine years old...according to dog years he's 52 years old in human years. My little old man.

If you ever have pet procedures, or any sort of medical procedures and don't think you can afford the bill. Look into getting the Care Credit credit card. It really saved my arse today, Gauge's bill was $560.00 what we do for our fur kiddos.

Update on Gauge

He is at the vet; whom did not think he was blind! (Thank you! Thank you!) However, his ulcer on his eye has gotten worse since we saw her two weeks ago. He is going to have emergency surgery to hopefully help it to heal.

I am waiting for them to call me.

I have since come home to kick back. Still not feeling so hot...this week is so fired.

I never thought I'd have to deal with this...

I woke up this morning to go get ready for work. My lil buddy was acting quite strange...he had gotten himself corralled in the laundry room behind a door and couldn't get out. It had been dark so I didn't think nothing of it as I put him outside for his potty. When he came in its when I noticed something very different about him. He was keeping both of his eyes closed. We went to the vet two weeks ago and because he had an eye problem, they gave us drops, meds and told us to go home. I thought he was improving. He found his way to his bed and curled up to go to sleep. I got in the shower. When I got out of the shower to check on him...he was gone. I searched the whole house for him and couldn't find him. In a panic I called out, "GAUGE!" and I heard him in my bedroom, he was in a corner again, coming out to find me. Both eyes closed, refusing to open them. He sat down and tried to go to sleep. I watched him with a lump in my throat.

He sat up and I put the laundry basket in front of him. I called for him, he weaved his way around the basket but sat off to the side of me not in front of me. Eyes still closed I decided to see if I could get him to react to something being close to him. I tried to get his attention to get him to open his eyes by calling out, "Who's that!" he did a little and then I put my finger towards his eye. No reaction. Not what I had hoped for. My next test was to turn off the lights to see if the bright light was bothering him. He didn't seem to care either way. I tried taking him outside. He opened them a little and came out side. Then as soon as he was done walking he closed them again. We came back in the house and he bumped into me. He appeared to be slow. I asked him to come, and then around where he would walk behind me and sit at my side. He refused and laid down. This is not typical Gauge behavior. With fear in my heart I called into work. I won't be in until Gauge has been taken to the vet.

In my heart, I feared his old age would creep up on him fast. But I never thought I would have a blind dog. I feel so awful inside for him. He must be confused and scared as well. He came back into my room and tried to find a spot to lay down. He bumped into my night side and then stood for the longest time. I told him he was okay and to just lay down. Finally, he did. My poor baby.

What is a fur kid mommy to do?

In search of Summer....

This weekend was beautiful and I thought all was not lost in our summer season. Today, thunderstorms. Can't summer just stick around? I mean what do you have against Washington State Summer?

This weekend boyfriend and I celebrated our five year anniversary together. (He kept asking-hasn't it been longer than that?) feels like it at times.... We went out to dinner at a restaurant called Arnies that sits down on the water front in Mukilteo.

Picture borrowed from blog: Simple Living @ it's finest

We watched the ferry come and go, the people play on the beach and we watched the sun set as we ate a fantastic dinner and drank smooth wine. We toasted to spending many more years together. It was the perfect evening.

But not all weekends end in fairy tales, we had a bad fight yesterday that resulted in many tears. Had me rethinking a lot of things. Then when I tried to go to sleep I couldn't- I felt ill all night long and into the morning. With zero sleep and still feeling ill, I called into work and said I wouldn't be there. It felt like a big whole in my chest was where my heart used to be.

Managing some sort of energy I did go feed and turn out Denali at 5:30am, then it was back to bed at 6:30am. I slept until 10:30-not one phone call, email or text from the boyfriend. I finally called him. Where ever he was he was getting really bad reception, probably due to the thunderstorms, I just said I don't want to fight any more and he said he didn't either. He said I had a big mouth...I told him ditto. He laughed. Love is hard, relationships are work and sometimes you have no idea where your partner is coming from. (Another universe?) I have always stressed that communication is the biggest part of any relationship; we fail on that. We've been trying to work on it, but these things don't just happen over night.

The fact of the matter is, we need to go to a counselor. But he won't go. I can't make him change he has to want to change. I don't know if he ever will....the question now is...can I do this forever?



I would like you to meet Curious Georgia

I am lucky that I can be around so many horses now...it's a dream come true. This filly is on boyfriends property. She belongs to some one else. But for a few minutes we were in love and she wanted to come home with me and with out thinking about all the "things" I really wanted her to come home with me too. I named her Curious Georgia...because she was so curious about me and everything around her. First I was calling her Curious George until I looked harder and discovered she was missing some extra parts. Adorable as she is, she has to stay with her owner. I have my hands full already.

Current Temperatures...do you see Washington?

Yeah...we're freezing our butt's off...send some heat our way....please.

Dear Summer,
Washington is ready...did you miss the memo?

So I'm a little stressed out...just a little.

I have an appointment on Tuesday with a new real estate agent. This agent was hand picked by boyfriend-he's supposed to be the best. (Time will only tell on that one.) I am stressing about the house not being in tip top show condition...but a small part of me has lost all hope and just doesn't want to put the extra time, effort and money into it. I know, I'm such a idiot for thinking that way...cause what if that time, effort and money helped it sell faster? Well...this is like the third go around of having it put on the market and it's just real hard to pump myself up that it's going to sell. I also can't remember where I buried that Saint in the yard, so I might be really jinxed there. However, don't they (whoever 'they' is) say "Third times a charm"??

The current gas prices and the cost of living have wrecked havoc on my pocket book for the last six months, not to mention having a sick horse since April. My stress comes from the lack of funds coming in and staying in and that my horse, while the sinus infection looks to be cleared up, he still has a cough and some swelling in his glands. The vet assured me it was not strangles. She did tell me that putting him on the antibiotics and this route was going to be a long road...six to eight weeks, and we have finished week two...(funny I had to look at the calendar, it seemed like week three but nope) I am exhausted. I also bought some SmartBreathe by Smart Pak and I hoping that helps in aiding his recovery. This is frustrating beyond belief-to the point that I have cried out frustration a few times. I just keep telling myself that we will beat this. But I second guess every move I make. Should I bring him back to his own barn? Should I sell a kidney to be able to afford further vet care? You know, simple things.

This summer hasn't been much of a summer. The weather has sucked. (Right now, over cast, sprinkling and humid) I haven't felt like I can relax at all. All of my summer plans-canceled. And to top it off, my job is continuing to suck the life out of me. It makes the fifty cent raise they gave me just oh so much more worth the stress and headaches. (Seriously? I am not worth the whole dollar?)

I have had two family members pass away in the last three months. That has been rough on the soul. My grandfather I think will be next. His health is failing and he just doesn't have the spirit within him he once had. I believe he is ready. He is 94, a WWII veteran...has seen a lot.

Boyfriend and I are fine. We still fight and argue over the same stupid shit...it's just a different day. But he is learning something as of late...and that is to think before he acts. It's a slow process...god help him. I love him dearly. I really would hate it if he wasn't in my life.

Gauge is feeling better since his vet visit. I am glad I took him. He is back to his old annoying self. Currently cutting some z's at the edge of the bed. Really, did you expect anything less?


So what do I do? Well...pull up my big girl panties and put my rubber boots on and just get through the shit I guess. I will take it as it comes.

Hell if I can survive a divorce, I can survive all this......Gulp.

Just call me "Lefty"

When Gauge got up this morning he didn't know he was in for a treat of a morning. First I took him to that mean horse. I thought it would be good for them to meet on a more, should you say, friendly level. Gauge was sitting in the back seat of the car and I had Denali so I walked him up to the car open window so they could sniff noses. Denali was curious and Gauge sniffed Denali back and then leaped at him and bit my horse in the nose! Well it was really more of a nip. Bad bull dog. No more horses for you.

He thought his day was done...but then I tricked him when I rocked up to the vet without an appointment-they saw us anyways. Because we are rock stars they brought us in through the side door. Gauge had no idea where we were until we were in the closed room and he turned around and was like, "WTF?"

Gauge has been having eye trouble in his left eye for two weekends...and today I was home for a funeral so I decided today was the perfect day to take his stink butt in. It was a good thing I did.  Gauge has an ulcer in his left eye! The doctor said he could have gotten something stuck in his third lid that rubbed the ulcer; then I was putting some medicine in the eye for two weeks hoping it would heal, but the medicine I was using had a steroid in it, so that kept it from healing properly. She also told me that on his right eye he was beginning to get cataracts. However, she said his sight was normal. When she said that, I finally started breathing normal again.

Then she decided to talk to me about neutering him! OMG! Apparently, he is starting to have--uh hum...anal gland issues from not being snipped. (TMI) She said after having him on antibiotics for a week and if it didn't help his problem south of the boarder, then we might have to snip him. (Seriously...I can't even go there)

So we are home now...Gauge gave me some dirty looks after I applied his tooshie medicine and now he is fast asleep at the foot of the bed.

I however, now have to get in the shower and go to my grandpa Norman's funeral. He was my

god mother's father. One thing I am grateful for today, I am here on this earth still with my critters and I have friends, family that love me.

4th of July weekend recap

Boyfriend went out and caught some crab!

He has a friend from Colorado staying with him (who is in the process of moving back to Washington and moving his family here, he is working at trying to get his wife and new born son here by the end of summer then they will find a house. In the mean time he is staying with boyfriend) He was so excited about cooking crab with boyfriend. He loves the PNW so much! We ate so much crab it was crazy!

We kept our boats on the dock for the fireworks show-I don't have many pictures from the actual day because I was so busy playing the hostess but we had friends come and I made dinner. We had a great time! Here are some tug boats coming up the river.

Sunset at Boyfriend's house. (Up the river from where the boats are docked)

Gauge trying to be a boat dog

Buddy trying to pose for his best picture.

I washed Wait N Sea, in true Deck Hand fashion- On my hands and knees until boyfriend brought me a scrub brush on a pole. Had to get her pretty for the big day. 

Here is Lil Bit aka the Fish Slayer or the Crab Slayer that weekend.

Our view from the dock. It was a great weekend with friends and fantastic weather! Couldn't ask for anything better! Well...maybe a working water pump :)