30 and Starting Over

Holy Crap-where does the time go?

2012-02-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it's almost Valentine's Day! What? What? My friends from Catch Con I bet are gearing up to start stalking Facebook for Catch Con tickets soon. Discovery channel has emailed me to take place in a Q &A for Gold Rush...thank you...but I really am not a fan. Hit me up when they actually strike it rich.

It's a rainy Saturday morning here at the ranch; we had another horse brought in last night, he was a rescue from the kill pen. The people that bought him are so nice, they were here this morning to check on him and said they would feed everyone else so I could sleep in. (Ha ha ha) I'm still up early. If the weather cooperates they are going to come back and ride Denali for me today. He is being a poop. He is just too much horse for me. So, I'm on the hunt for a confidence builder horse. Been searching all week since a deal for a previous horse I thought I was getting last week fell through. Really excited, can't wait.

Work is keeping me extra busy. Making the dollars to support my horse habit. It's a healthy habit. Getting on a horse and taking a trail ride is much more relaxing than coming home and drinking a glass of wine; now I'm only speaking about myself here.

I did manage to strain the tendon in my left wrist three weeks ago, so I'm some what gimpy. It's funny as you get older the little things start to break down on you at random times. I was just sitting in a meeting when I moved my wrist and I heard a "pop" and then ouch! Hopefully it will heal up soon. It doesn't seem to affect me riding. I have a class tomorrow.

One-eyed bull doggie is sound asleep in front of the heater. He did not appreciate all the snow we got in January. He would run down the stairs and do the deed then it was back up the stairs in front of the heater. He is slowing down some but still same old Gauge. He loves living here. He doesn't mind the horses any more. He is a good little barn dog. He enjoys his twice a day car ride down to the barn then he sits in the bar in "his spot" while I feed every body.

Soooo...I have been thinking about this for the past couple of weeks. I haven't been writing on here...and like so many that have come and gone before me some of my favorite writers that I have never heard from again, McGrid what happened to you?!, Maria's timeless deletes, Jolea's once or twice a year yachtie Key West updates, I too am feeling like I have no time for the blogging life any more.

Why I blogged-well freedom of speech and I had a story to tell. I have traveled down a long road to finally get where I am. I'm finally happy and free.

So the important thing to leave my readers knowing is that I'm doing fantastic. And if you have been hurt by someone you love(d) it's only a small stepping stone in your life. It will pass. You will heal and move on.

To those of you that I have friended and know how to actually find. Love you...and we are still buddies. Maria you owe me a birthday Marg. It's okay I owe you one too.

Happy trails and enjoy the sunsets...

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-16T04:34:00.000-08:00

We don't have a Christmas tree in the house this year, but I did manage to locate Gauge's ~~favorite~~ hat for his traditional holiday picture! As soon as he saw me pull it out of the box, the tongue came out, the head hung low and he tried to slither off. Perhaps in his old man age the hat could be considered an act of senior abuse? Honestly I couldn't stop giggling the whole time-once the hat was on he did his best to pose for a couple of pictures and the moment it was removed the tail wagging started and life was injected back into his wrinkled body! He ran around the house as fast as he could go...

Silly Gauge...

I sure love my little old bully...

I can't sleep...don't worry Gauge is doing the sleeping for both of us.

2011-12-12T04:17:00.000-08:00

It's freezing cold here. Twenty some degrees. I am looking at the clock thinking about how in 45 minutes I will have to be out in that cold feeding the horses. BRRRRRR

Never been much of a winter fan; it rains a lot during the winter months in Washington. We have been lucky enough to have just cold weather and some sun here and there for the last two weeks, with maybe a few showers here and there. I am okay with it being cold and sunny. Just none of that white stuff.

My whole weekend was very busy. I spent Friday night at my godparents. It felt good to get away from everyone. My godmother, godsister and I went to see the new Marilyn Monroe movie and then out to dinner.

Marilyn Monroe certainly had a narcissistic personality. She knew how to use men, probably without realizing she was even doing it. She played the "Oh save me" card a lot. Her life style and the people around her reminded me so much of Anna Nicole Smith. They kept each of those women drugged up and to her "people" she was their cash cow.

Sad, really.

Yesterday I went with the man to Olympia to this giant tack store. He has been wanting to go for a long time, I really didn't want to go because I knew he was going just to look. What a waste of a good Sunday! It is a long drive down. I made him drive there was no way I was driving all that way. So we get there and he spends what seems like eternity sitting on saddles and finding a "comfortable" one. I went and tried on tall boots. I only left with a couple of Christmas presents for people and the man left empty handed, as I knew he would. We stopped at a Mexican restaurant for dinner and it was nice just to sit and relax.

Ended the evening at home watching the latest Jack Sparrow adventure.

And here I am. Wide awake. Having to be extra quiet to not wake the man of the house.

Hope your Monday is a good one!

Lost picture of me riding Denali found!

2011-12-04T18:25:00.000-08:00

I had forgotten that this picture was taken and tonight it was given to me! I'm so happy to have this! :)

I have been found....please cancel the APB...

2011-12-04T07:44:00.000-08:00

I went M.I.A....

But life has been full of ups and some downs lately. To catch the maybe two followers I have left up to speed-here you go.

I moved in with boyfriend at the beginning of November. Moving out of a three bedroom house into a one bedroom cabin like style retreat home has been challenging. But we made it work. It was exciting and new and I was ready for a new start. Living with someone doesn't come with out it's challenges. I went from being on my own and doing what I want to living with a drill sargent of turning off the fucking lights every time I turn around. I'm dealing with it and Gauge is too...five years and you think you know someone...but you never really know someone until you actually live with them full time. That's when that person true colors come out and you have to stop and go 'woah...is this what I want to deal with for the rest of my life?' Well if he can't figure it out, then it's open for debate.

It's nice to be able to be so close to work right now. It's saving me a ton of dinero in gas. It has cut my gas bill in half! WOOHOO! I don't have much stress from the commute any longer and that is making me a much more nicer person to be around. HA HA. Work has been crazy as we try to make these outrageous goals and stay within our budget. They have put new responsibilities on us and are pushing us to be a sales force. Well, I fought and kicked and dug in my heels for a few months. I finally I had no choice but to give in. I even cried. I hate selling...loathe it actually. I hate that I have to sell and push and charge doctors crazy prices for pharmaceutical equipment. Well, the theater background came in handy and I have brought home a couple of good paychecks from my bullshitting, I mean errr ummm up selling. (Sigh) It's evil. Corporate America is evil. It's all about the bottom line. And the horrible thing is, I'm in charge of 3000+ corporate customers. So your big Dental groups, like your Gentle....Dental or your Bright....Now, I'm in charge of them. JUST ME. I'm the only Corporate CSR they have. Plus I do a ton of other shit. They always tell me I do a great job and that I'm appreciated...but I felt like if I didn't jump on board with the selling. They would find someone else to do my job that would. They say that everyone is replaceable...well...I don't believe that baby, cause there is only one me. And not everyone can juggle this crazy like I do! So far, I'm the only one in my team that has embraced the selling and is doing well. Thus, they are very proud of me and one manager has taken to calling me Bentley, because I will soon be driving a Bentley to work. Funny...if I was making that kind of money I would not waste it on a car. And no Maria it would not be on my own Starbucks....

Okay so lets talk about the other love in my life-Horses!
Denali is doing really well health wise. He is hanging out in his barn and being a good boy.

He has been pretty healthy and happy. I take him for walks, groom him and let him do his own thing. We are not riding because now that he is healthy he is full of piss and vinegar. He needs to be put in a round pen, which I do not have access to at this time, and worked. He is submissive to a point and will "join up" with me after with lunge or if I'm just walking in the pasture and ask him just to "come to". The nice thing about him is that I never have to chase him down. He always comes to me. My plan with Denali, because I know at one point I was frustrated and talked about selling him, is that I will have him trained by a professional trainer this spring, that will train him and me together. Once that happens we will see what happens with him. He might end up being boyfriends horse to ride and I get another. All in due time. But as of now, I have been taking riding lessons at a barn five minutes from home! I went there to learn to ride Western and the trainer told me that I needed to learn to ride English to learn to balance better in my set. I have taken four lessons so far. Posting is hard work, my legs ache after each lesson. But I am getting my confidence back in the saddle.

Yesterday I went for a ride with a friend on her little mare.

It was freezing cold out! She had a new saddle she wanted to try out on her horse and my saddle was getting dusty, so out we went. This little mare I'm on is so tiny compared to my giant Denali. It was a fun ride! And I did so well. I actually felt like I knew a little bit of what I was doing. And when we broke into a trot, I didn't bounce all over the place! IT WAS AWESOME!

Gauge has adjusted to being a one eyed bull doggy. I see him making changes to how he responds to things. I worry about him being on the farm with the coyotes. Therefor he is spending a lot more time inside than he's used to. I feel bad for him. I give him lots of bones to chew and try to keep him comfortable. He's my old man. And right now, Gauge is snoring and farting on his bed next to the heater. He is with out a doubt, very content and happy.

Am I all settled in my new place? Oh hell no. I still have some stuff in boxes. I hate moving. I hate unpacking. But I need to unpack. It will also show boyfriend that I'm staying. I can't believe December is here and that it's time to break out Christmas stuff...I know where it is. Getting the motivation to go out the storage and unpack some of it for a couple of weeks is the part I'm toying with.

Well enough about my boring life. I hope that you are all merry and good...

And remember....

Life is too short...live your life in the now.

I'm sorry...it's been a long time hasn't it...

2011-10-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when you steal your interent from your neighbors...and then they up and move on you! How RUDE!

Anyways, speaking of moving...that's what I have been in the process of doing the last few weeks. I rented out my house and I am moving in with the man. My renters are from Colorado and have a two year old son. They are perfect for my little house.

Anyways, I should be all the way out this week and moved into cramped quarters for who knows how long....my man is so good to me though...he is re-doing his little house and installing a proper kitchen. Love him I do!

I will catch up with you soon...Gauge is good as well.

Later!

Tonight we be Fire Fighting...

2011-09-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today I surgery on my thumb. It hurt-so I drank two margaritas. Then came home and decided to purge some garbage...

This is not one of my most brilliant ideas by far...I kind of forgot how dry its been. (The Margarita made me do it)
When I noticed how big the fire had gotten over the crackling noise OVER the TV...the flames were over ten feet in the air.

No worries though, I'm a prepared home owner.

Gauge, "Seriously, Mom WTF is wrong with you?"

Wait a minute what's in there...?

Why oh yes...right where my finger is pointing is a burnt up picture of the ex husband...tee hee how long has that been in the pile to burn?

All is well...we are good. Except I was annoyed that Gauge forgot the marshmallows.

Gauge Update numero dos

2011-09-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

Last night was probably the worst of nights; lets hope it is the last one. Gauge's face swelled up something fierce and at 3am his incision sight starting oozing out this nasty goop. I cleaned him up and continued with the ice packs. He slept next to my bed so that I could monitor his breathing. I was very concerned that his airway might be cut off. He would start to pant at times, indicating discomfort and pain and I would jump out of bed to check on him. Wipe him up, ice him and try to go back to sleep. I had already made the decision that the half day of work that I was going to do today was so not happening. I woke up at 7am to find him a mess. He was oozing more at this time. I cleaned him up put his E-collar on him and tried to get him to hold still.

Got myself ready as much as I could and we were at the vets office when they opened.

The vet told me that she thinks that it could be one of two things. That he either is rejecting the implant or that he has an infection from the surgery. She thinks the likely hood of him rejecting the implant is small so she feels that it is an infection.

Honestly, I am pissed off at the doctor. And I will see how things go from here. I truly believe he should have been sent home with antibiotics from day 1. He was sent home with some super duper antibiotics today and anti-inflammatory today. She told me to call her tomorrow and give her an update on how he is doing. I hope he is better too. I never want to put him through this again. It's terrible.

Not only has it been terrible on painful for him. It's been hard all the way around on me. I laid in bed last night feeling helpless...and there came those damn tears again. I have tried so much to give him a comfortable life, yet here I am causing him more pain. I felt like such a jerk. He is snoring in the living room with his e-collar on. That makes me feel better that he is finally resting this morning.

After the vet we drove out to boyfriends; I had to turn out Denali and give him his grain. These two giant bald eagles were flying over his pasture...it was so beautiful. I wanted to fly off with them. Leave all my troubles behind.

I let Gauge out of the car for a bit to potty. He moved around the yard and wagged his tail. He seemed to perk up a bit. The most I had seen since Friday morning pre-surgery. It gave me some hope. Then I had to wipe him up again.

I'm supposed to be on vacation-but really it has been a Gauge -cation. Oh well. At least I'm getting paid to lay in bed in my p.j.'s and write this nonsense today.

A peaceful moment on Friday

2011-09-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

Denali and I snuck a ride in while waiting for the vet to call me on Friday. We rode a trail behind the property that ended right at the water. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I wanted to stay there forever...and then the vet called. It was time to go pick him up.

Denali is doing very well...he still has his moments, but we're both learning. (He sure looks good in that saddle doesn't he?)

Gauge is having a rough weekend. We're going back to the vet tomorrow...they said there would be some swelling...but how much is too much? His throat and jowls seem to be hurting him. I'm trying so hard to be strong. And find myself telling him he can get through this...but I wonder if I'm just talking about myself?

Gauge update

2011-09-17T15:15:00.000-07:00

Gauge looks rough...he feels rough too. Last night he was up every two hours wanting to go outside to potty as the anesthesia wore off. Then at 3:30 in the morning everything wore off and he woke me out of dead sleep in pain. I tried to get him to take a pain pill but he cried out in pain each time I tried to open his mouth. It was an awful experience-somehow he figured out that pill was going in whether he wanted it or not and to just eat it. He slept two more hours and then was up again.

I didn't think leaving him alone today for long periods of time was a good idea. I had a baby shower to go to, I ended up not going. I left the house long enough to feed Denali and repair a fence. Then I was back home with my little patient who greeted me with a bit of wiggle of his butt.

This is taking some getting used to, not going to lie. I cried like a baby when the vet assistant brought him out. I was pathetic. A nice man was there and told me his grandmother has a one eyed English Bulldog too, and that he gets around just fine; he told me that he was going to be okay...that I would be okay. It was sweet. I felt like I should have been stronger, but you just can't prepare yourself for that. It didn't help that when I walked into the vet he was howling. They told me he'd being doing it since he woke up. I asked if he was in pain, they told me no, it was probably just because he was in a kennel where everyone was walking. More howling. I said loudly, "Gauge you're okay buddy." and he stopped and didn't do it again. Then they brought him out....he has bandages on both front legs as well as his eye being sown shut.

The vet also found a tumor on his left leg. She cut it out and sent it off to the lab to make sure it is not cancer.

I'm hoping that from here on out...all my family and my fur kiddos can just be healthy and happy.

Gauge is resting...and so am I.

Tomorrow is a hard day for this fur-kid mommy

2011-09-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow I take Gauge in for his eye surgery; the vet will remove his right eye. As the receptionist at the high priced eye clinic said, “it will just look like he is winking at you. He will look so cute!” I however, cannot help but feel that I am responsible for his new disfigurement. For some people I know this may sound mellow dramatic, well, I have never been one to never not be dramatic in a time of a crisis in my life, but…when I stop and look at how the last five months have been-well it’s been a bit dramatic in of itself.

April was my horse getting phenomena.

In May there was the sudden and tragic death of my Uncle and cousin, (cousin by marriage).

June was actually a little bit of break but work continued to suck the life out of me.

July was the passing of my Grandpa Norman. And my horse got sick, again.

August Gauge decided he was going to go blind on me all of a sudden one morning. Another death in the family.

Back to my point of this guilt I have with Gauge. I can’t help but feel that if I wasn’t so wrapped up in the goings on of my family and my horse that I wouldn’t have missed the signs that Gauge was giving me that he needed my help. I keeping thinking, what if I had seen the signs earlier, what if I had paid better attention to him? Would I have been able to have saved this eye?

A co worker keeps telling me that was probably nothing I could have done. She is so kind to me, and really has been my biggest support through this. She has dogs, so she gets “it”. I guess is that I also fear that he will go blind in the other eye as well. I am treating his good eye trying to hold off the disease in that eye. My little buddy is nine years old. How time has flown by with him. It doesn’t seem like long enough. Having to make these choices and be his voice for what is right for him isn’t always easy. It’s damn right hard. And I have cried so much over that damn eye ball. Seriously, is he really going to care?

I have decided to take some vacation away from work. I took tomorrow off, I will go in for a couple of hours on Monday and then take Tuesday and Wednesday off. I am really and truly burnt out. So much that I am not a nice person at work. I have to fake it to get through most days and that is so hard. Because I really don’t like sounding so fake on the phones when my eyes are rolling and I’m pretending to jab myself with a pen. Yeah that just sucks. Not going anywhere just staying home with Gauge.

All the stress has caused me to not write. It causes me to take forever to finish a book. My biggest joys are seeing Boyfriend, Denali and Gauge and sleep.

Speaking of sleep…I think I will go to bed. Here’s to a whole new Sir Gauge Hubba Bubba…

I leave you with this photo montage of Gauge at his best...

Kayaking with friends

2011-08-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

We didn't let the fact that the sun was hiding keep us from not enjoying ourselves! We had a blast!

Okay so let's play catch up....

2011-08-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

Finally!

Boyfriend is on his way home from fishing...it was a loooooooooong ten days and I can begin to feel myself having heavy withdrawals. It felt like a body part was missing. I know, suck it up.

They had a fantastic time fishing, except boyfriend had to an have an emergency root canal up in Canada. He wasn't going to go to the dentist, but his friends put their feet down and drug him there. It's a good thing too, because his face swelled and he looked like a chipmunk. I was not impressed with his recklessness on his health; it scared me quite frankly. I have a dentist appointment ready for him on Monday for them to finish what the dentist in Canada started. Besides that, they caught lots of fish. Including a forty pound King Salmon. I'm sure there are plenty of stories to be told when he gets back tonight.

Today was Gauge's follow up appointment at the eye specialist. I really wish I could say it went well. But it did not. His eye with the glaucoma did not respond to the medication he has been on for ten days and therefore, the pressure has increased. His other eye, which had the ulcer in it is healed, which was the positive news for the day, however, it was tested for glaucoma and it is showing signs of glaucoma in that eye. So these are our options: Gauge will receive medication for the glaucoma in both eyes for the next 14 days. If his right blind eye does not respond to treatment then he will have to have it removed. The left eye we hope will respond to the medication and that we are catching it in time to help reduce the inflammation and thus prolong his sight. Gauge is nine years old...he has lived a very long life for a bulldog.

Today on our way home from the doctor we stopped at McDonald's and had a picnic underneath a tree in the shade. Gauge enjoyed a little cheese burger and I my chicken sandwich. I figure he might as well splurge a little. We then stopped by the Marysville Home Grown festival to visit a co-worker of mine who makes her own soap so she could meet him. It was hard getting to her booth because as soon as we walked up we were surrounded by people wanting to pet Gauge and talk about him. I was overwhelmed to be honest with all the people.

We are now home relaxing and puttering around the house. It's harder on me than it is on Gauge I'm sure. I'm preparing myself for the worst. If things get really bad, I just hope he goes to sleep one day and that is that. I don't want to be the one. It will kill a very big part of me.

Okay enough of the sad crap.

Last night I got to go on a trail ride with Denali and it was so much freaking fun! It was the first time in over a month and also with my new saddle. He did so well and after about ten minutes I got relaxed and could feel my confidence coming back. He is a good trail horse and will take good care of me. I think if the weather holds up we are going tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

So...if you all wouldn't mind...say a little prayer for Gauge. And maybe just a little one for me too...I need some strength to get through this...seeing him age has been so hard on me. I cry all the time. It makes me feel like nothing else really matters right now but loved ones. Everything else can just take a back seat and I'll be back later....

Life in a nut shell

2011-08-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

Where have I been? What have I been doing?

To bring you all up to speed about Gauge first since that is where we left off last. He ended up tearing his stitches out of his eye from his surgery on Thursday night. After he did so, it was apparent to me that he had some sight in the left eye however none in his right. Remember, the right was supposed to be the good eye. I took him back to the vet that Friday morning for him to have the rest of his stitches out and the vet informed me that I really needed to go see the eye specialist.

After doing a bit of research online I did find NW Animal Eye Clinic, in Kirkland that was wonderful. We went in this Wednesday. The staff was very friendly, the place was clean and while we waited the nurse asked if I wanted a bottled water and if Gauge would like some water as well. Of course we accepted. The doctor came in and was very friendly and had a great touch. She confirmed what I had suspected. Gauge has glaucoma in his right eye and has no sight in it. However, he now has an ulcer in that eye! (For reals?) His ulcer on his left eye was healing really well, but she wanted to keep him on his drops for that eye because it wasn't all the way healed. Now, for the right eye. He will never regain sight in the eye. But the idea is to make him comfortable with the amount of pressure that he is getting from it. So, he gets drops in his eyes for the rest of his life or the alternative is to have the eye removed. We go back next Saturday for a test to see how much tear production he is producing and that will help us in seeing what kind of glaucoma he has; this will also help determine if this disease will carry over to his now good eye on the left. Could be months, could be years, could never get it at all. Gauge is nine years old. He has never had cherry eye, the doctor told me I have been pretty lucky with him from not having eye issues until now. Still its rough going through this.

Gauge is getting around just fine now. Like nothing is wrong...however sometimes he might bump into something on his right. Other than that, he snores like there is no tomorrow.

My friend Anna who I keep Denali at her house, she left on Thursday for the mountain camping tripping that I was suppose to go on. She took her two horses with her. It has been real interesting the last two days with Denali. He is so heard bound; he cried out all night long on Thursday and kept everyone awake. I felt really bad. Anna's husband Bill, had to get up early on Friday to leave with my boyfriend to go on the ten day fishing trip to Canada.

Yup. That's right. It's fishing time again...and I'm not on board-again. So boyfriend left at 4:30am for Canada with 4 other guys. They will be fishing for halibut, salmon, ling cod, crab and probably some oysters and clams. The weather this year is incredible and I kind of wish I went, but with 5 guys, that boat is way too small. I would not have had fun. So...no vacation for Heather. I'm busy taking care of animals.

My father and I are suppose to get together this morning to take a trip to boyfriends house and go look at the barn. I insist that it needs to be winterized better so I don't lose my hay. We lost 9 bales last year and that is a lot of money in hay to lose due to mold. Boyfriend is too busy with all his projects and running his business that he told me that is all up to me. Fine then...I will get it done...stand back and stay out of my way.

This weekend is Seafair weekend in Seattle. I don't go to things like that...but if you like traffic and crowds, then it's a great experience for you! You can watch the Blue Angels and the hydro races.

Well I suppose I better finish this last cup of coffee and hit publish! Have a good weekend! Stay cool!

Gauge after his surgery

2011-07-26T21:53:00.000-07:00

His left eye is sewn shut. Poor baby.

Gauge has been asleep since I got him home. He's pretty drugged up. I have kept getting him up and putting him outside to stretch his legs and get his circulation going. He is fast asleep again on his bed, I can hear his tummy making noise then an occasional fart. I feel so bad for my little patient. I hope he wakes up soon. I'm not liking this part.

I am sleeping with my bedroom door open tonight, one ear at attention, in case anything should happen. I sure love this little guy a lot. He's nine years old...according to dog years he's 52 years old in human years. My little old man.

If you ever have pet procedures, or any sort of medical procedures and don't think you can afford the bill. Look into getting the Care Credit credit card. It really saved my arse today, Gauge's bill was $560.00 what we do for our fur kiddos.

Update on Gauge

2011-07-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

He is at the vet; whom did not think he was blind! (Thank you! Thank you!) However, his ulcer on his eye has gotten worse since we saw her two weeks ago. He is going to have emergency surgery to hopefully help it to heal.

I am waiting for them to call me.

I have since come home to kick back. Still not feeling so hot...this week is so fired.

I never thought I'd have to deal with this...

2011-07-26T05:58:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to go get ready for work. My lil buddy was acting quite strange...he had gotten himself corralled in the laundry room behind a door and couldn't get out. It had been dark so I didn't think nothing of it as I put him outside for his potty. When he came in its when I noticed something very different about him. He was keeping both of his eyes closed. We went to the vet two weeks ago and because he had an eye problem, they gave us drops, meds and told us to go home. I thought he was improving. He found his way to his bed and curled up to go to sleep. I got in the shower. When I got out of the shower to check on him...he was gone. I searched the whole house for him and couldn't find him. In a panic I called out, "GAUGE!" and I heard him in my bedroom, he was in a corner again, coming out to find me. Both eyes closed, refusing to open them. He sat down and tried to go to sleep. I watched him with a lump in my throat.

He sat up and I put the laundry basket in front of him. I called for him, he weaved his way around the basket but sat off to the side of me not in front of me. Eyes still closed I decided to see if I could get him to react to something being close to him. I tried to get his attention to get him to open his eyes by calling out, "Who's that!" he did a little and then I put my finger towards his eye. No reaction. Not what I had hoped for. My next test was to turn off the lights to see if the bright light was bothering him. He didn't seem to care either way. I tried taking him outside. He opened them a little and came out side. Then as soon as he was done walking he closed them again. We came back in the house and he bumped into me. He appeared to be slow. I asked him to come, and then around where he would walk behind me and sit at my side. He refused and laid down. This is not typical Gauge behavior. With fear in my heart I called into work. I won't be in until Gauge has been taken to the vet.

In my heart, I feared his old age would creep up on him fast. But I never thought I would have a blind dog. I feel so awful inside for him. He must be confused and scared as well. He came back into my room and tried to find a spot to lay down. He bumped into my night side and then stood for the longest time. I told him he was okay and to just lay down. Finally, he did. My poor baby.

What is a fur kid mommy to do?

In search of Summer....

2011-07-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

This weekend was beautiful and I thought all was not lost in our summer season. Today, thunderstorms. Can't summer just stick around? I mean what do you have against Washington State Summer?

This weekend boyfriend and I celebrated our five year anniversary together. (He kept asking-hasn't it been longer than that?) feels like it at times.... We went out to dinner at a restaurant called Arnies that sits down on the water front in Mukilteo.

Picture borrowed from blog: Simple Living @ it's finest

We watched the ferry come and go, the people play on the beach and we watched the sun set as we ate a fantastic dinner and drank smooth wine. We toasted to spending many more years together. It was the perfect evening.

But not all weekends end in fairy tales, we had a bad fight yesterday that resulted in many tears. Had me rethinking a lot of things. Then when I tried to go to sleep I couldn't- I felt ill all night long and into the morning. With zero sleep and still feeling ill, I called into work and said I wouldn't be there. It felt like a big whole in my chest was where my heart used to be.

Managing some sort of energy I did go feed and turn out Denali at 5:30am, then it was back to bed at 6:30am. I slept until 10:30-not one phone call, email or text from the boyfriend. I finally called him. Where ever he was he was getting really bad reception, probably due to the thunderstorms, I just said I don't want to fight any more and he said he didn't either. He said I had a big mouth...I told him ditto. He laughed. Love is hard, relationships are work and sometimes you have no idea where your partner is coming from. (Another universe?) I have always stressed that communication is the biggest part of any relationship; we fail on that. We've been trying to work on it, but these things don't just happen over night.

The fact of the matter is, we need to go to a counselor. But he won't go. I can't make him change he has to want to change. I don't know if he ever will....the question now is...can I do this forever?

I would like you to meet Curious Georgia

2011-07-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

I am lucky that I can be around so many horses now...it's a dream come true. This filly is on boyfriends property. She belongs to some one else. But for a few minutes we were in love and she wanted to come home with me and with out thinking about all the "things" I really wanted her to come home with me too. I named her Curious Georgia...because she was so curious about me and everything around her. First I was calling her Curious George until I looked harder and discovered she was missing some extra parts. Adorable as she is, she has to stay with her owner. I have my hands full already.

Current Temperatures...do you see Washington?

2011-07-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

Yeah...we're freezing our butt's off...send some heat our way....please.

Dear Summer,
Washington is ready...did you miss the memo?

So I'm a little stressed out...just a little.

2011-07-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

I have an appointment on Tuesday with a new real estate agent. This agent was hand picked by boyfriend-he's supposed to be the best. (Time will only tell on that one.) I am stressing about the house not being in tip top show condition...but a small part of me has lost all hope and just doesn't want to put the extra time, effort and money into it. I know, I'm such a idiot for thinking that way...cause what if that time, effort and money helped it sell faster? Well...this is like the third go around of having it put on the market and it's just real hard to pump myself up that it's going to sell. I also can't remember where I buried that Saint in the yard, so I might be really jinxed there. However, don't they (whoever 'they' is) say "Third times a charm"??

The current gas prices and the cost of living have wrecked havoc on my pocket book for the last six months, not to mention having a sick horse since April. My stress comes from the lack of funds coming in and staying in and that my horse, while the sinus infection looks to be cleared up, he still has a cough and some swelling in his glands. The vet assured me it was not strangles. She did tell me that putting him on the antibiotics and this route was going to be a long road...six to eight weeks, and we have finished week two...(funny I had to look at the calendar, it seemed like week three but nope) I am exhausted. I also bought some SmartBreathe by Smart Pak and I hoping that helps in aiding his recovery. This is frustrating beyond belief-to the point that I have cried out frustration a few times. I just keep telling myself that we will beat this. But I second guess every move I make. Should I bring him back to his own barn? Should I sell a kidney to be able to afford further vet care? You know, simple things.

This summer hasn't been much of a summer. The weather has sucked. (Right now, over cast, sprinkling and humid) I haven't felt like I can relax at all. All of my summer plans-canceled. And to top it off, my job is continuing to suck the life out of me. It makes the fifty cent raise they gave me just oh so much more worth the stress and headaches. (Seriously? I am not worth the whole dollar?)

I have had two family members pass away in the last three months. That has been rough on the soul. My grandfather I think will be next. His health is failing and he just doesn't have the spirit within him he once had. I believe he is ready. He is 94, a WWII veteran...has seen a lot.

Boyfriend and I are fine. We still fight and argue over the same stupid shit...it's just a different day. But he is learning something as of late...and that is to think before he acts. It's a slow process...god help him. I love him dearly. I really would hate it if he wasn't in my life.

Gauge is feeling better since his vet visit. I am glad I took him. He is back to his old annoying self. Currently cutting some z's at the edge of the bed. Really, did you expect anything less?

So what do I do? Well...pull up my big girl panties and put my rubber boots on and just get through the shit I guess. I will take it as it comes.

Hell if I can survive a divorce, I can survive all this......Gulp.

Just call me "Lefty"

2011-07-12T10:14:00.000-07:00

When Gauge got up this morning he didn't know he was in for a treat of a morning. First I took him to that mean horse. I thought it would be good for them to meet on a more, should you say, friendly level. Gauge was sitting in the back seat of the car and I had Denali so I walked him up to the car open window so they could sniff noses. Denali was curious and Gauge sniffed Denali back and then leaped at him and bit my horse in the nose! Well it was really more of a nip. Bad bull dog. No more horses for you.

He thought his day was done...but then I tricked him when I rocked up to the vet without an appointment-they saw us anyways. Because we are rock stars they brought us in through the side door. Gauge had no idea where we were until we were in the closed room and he turned around and was like, "WTF?"

Gauge has been having eye trouble in his left eye for two weekends...and today I was home for a funeral so I decided today was the perfect day to take his stink butt in. It was a good thing I did. Gauge has an ulcer in his left eye! The doctor said he could have gotten something stuck in his third lid that rubbed the ulcer; then I was putting some medicine in the eye for two weeks hoping it would heal, but the medicine I was using had a steroid in it, so that kept it from healing properly. She also told me that on his right eye he was beginning to get cataracts. However, she said his sight was normal. When she said that, I finally started breathing normal again.

Then she decided to talk to me about neutering him! OMG! Apparently, he is starting to have--uh hum...anal gland issues from not being snipped. (TMI) She said after having him on antibiotics for a week and if it didn't help his problem south of the boarder, then we might have to snip him. (Seriously...I can't even go there)

So we are home now...Gauge gave me some dirty looks after I applied his tooshie medicine and now he is fast asleep at the foot of the bed.

I however, now have to get in the shower and go to my grandpa Norman's funeral. He was my

god mother's father. One thing I am grateful for today, I am here on this earth still with my critters and I have friends, family that love me.

4th of July weekend recap

2011-07-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

Boyfriend went out and caught some crab!

He has a friend from Colorado staying with him (who is in the process of moving back to Washington and moving his family here, he is working at trying to get his wife and new born son here by the end of summer then they will find a house. In the mean time he is staying with boyfriend) He was so excited about cooking crab with boyfriend. He loves the PNW so much! We ate so much crab it was crazy!

We kept our boats on the dock for the fireworks show-I don't have many pictures from the actual day because I was so busy playing the hostess but we had friends come and I made dinner. We had a great time! Here are some tug boats coming up the river.

Sunset at Boyfriend's house. (Up the river from where the boats are docked)

Gauge trying to be a boat dog

Buddy trying to pose for his best picture.

I washed Wait N Sea, in true Deck Hand fashion- On my hands and knees until boyfriend brought me a scrub brush on a pole. Had to get her pretty for the big day.

Here is Lil Bit aka the Fish Slayer or the Crab Slayer that weekend.

Our view from the dock. It was a great weekend with friends and fantastic weather! Couldn't ask for anything better! Well...maybe a working water pump :)

A Gift from the Far Out

2011-07-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

This beautiful print arrived in my mail box tonight from Japan! I was so delighted-I had totally forgotten that I had given my home address to Maria. She had mentioned she had wanted to send me something. (I knew it wasn't a marble cheeseboard, because I never win.)

This was so much better than a marble cheeseboard!

I cannot wait to hunt down the perfect frame for it! For the love a horses-this truly fits me!

Thank you so much Maria! Your gift made my day!

Crab yum...

2011-07-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

Last night we had a crab feast. I couldn't help but giggle and say, as the crab juice and butter rolled down my chin and arms..."Wonder what the rich people are doing?"

Boyfriend spent all day yesterday guarding his pots to get his quota of crab and he did not come home empty handed. It was a wonderful way to end the evening.

I had spent 2.5 hours driving in the car trying to get from work to the vet to get Denali enough antibiotics to get him through the weekend. Just so you know, under normal conditions, the drive is usually an hour. With it being Friday and a holiday weekend...I thought I would never escape the prison that was my car. I had my little stereo cranked up and the windows down-the weather here is incredible right now!

Today is going to be warm and I am trying to get some things done around the house before its too warm to do anything. Then it's back down to the boat to go hang out for awhile. The plan is to stay on the boat; but we are having water pump issues. Boyfriend is supposed to be down there fixing it right now. The plan could change-but I hope not, I am looking forward to relaxing down on the water.

OH and before I forget! It's Gauge's 9th birthday today! SO

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GAUGE!!!

I am going to go get him a birthday bone. He is currently sleeping...cause who shouldn't get to sleep in on their birthday, right?

Have a great weekend! I plan to-I am officially on vacation for four days! WOOT!

Heaven in a bag!

2011-06-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

FINALLY! My prayers have been answered! You have no idea how good these are...

Whose a big sleepy head?

2011-06-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know what is wrong with me lately but I am so exhausted. Last night I got a nice 8 hours of sleep and here I am unable to wake up and get moving this morning. I just feel so tired all the time. Perhaps it's the lack of sunshine? Perhaps I should start taking some vitamins again? I just feel so drained. I'm only 32-I shouldn't feel this way. No amount of coffee does the trick any longer...and if I don't have any caffeine...well the yawning just increases.

In other news-Gauge is having an eye issue. I have been trying to treat it at home with some medication I had the last time he had an eye infection but I think this is actually a sign of "old age". I think he is losing his sight in the eye; this morning he bumped into the wall. All this week he has been wondering out of the yard when let out to potty. Gauge will be 9 years old on July 2nd. It breaks my heart to think that Gauge is actually a senior dog now in bulldog years. He has out lived his champion father. He still wiggles, snores, snorts and farts the same. But he is changing. And when "that day" comes, it's going to wreck me.

He is coming with me on 4th of July weekend on the boat. Him and his bumble bee life jacket.

People on the dock always chuckle and laugh at him. It's amazing to me that Gauge always seems to bring a smile to someones face no matter where he goes.

Anyways, yesterday was a busy day-boyfriend and I helped our friends build fence. These are the friends of ours that are keeping my horse for me right now while I work with him. After a long day of fence building we enjoyed some margaritas a 12 hour smoked brisket that was to die for, chips and homemade salsa and watermelon! Their kids came over with their kids and it was fun had by all. After my friend and I got some liquid courage in us, we tacked up our horses and went out riding. Denali was pretty mellow. However he was back to having a slight cough again. Disappointing. I starting to wonder if its allergies. If I want to go on the trip in August I will have to condition him three days a week so he isn't a stupid horse and I'm not a dumb rider. He also needs to be in better shape. Hopefully that will all happen. I'm getting really tired of having a sick horse and just throwing feed at him. Part of the game I know.

Today is a beautiful sunny day in Western Washington. Going to be 70 degrees. We are actually going to have beautiful weather on our 4th of July weekend! YES!!!

Plan for the day today is to clean my disgusting house. I know, why would I do that when it's beautiful outside? Well...because I just have to get it done.

I hope whatever you are doing this weekend you are doing it with gusto!

Later!

Denali is feeling better

2011-06-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

The other day I tacked Denali up to go ride him...well he was really feeling better. He was extremely jacked up. He was tossing his head around, bucking in the round pen, and I am happy to report no more coughing. My friend is the one in the round pen doing the work with him. I am sorry to say that he was shit head this night and bucked her off. She was fine and got right back on and worked the buck right out of him.

Good Morning World!

2011-06-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

It's approximately 2:37am on Tuesday morning here in my little household-all is awake. Yup, the cat and dog too. I guess that's what happens when you zonk out at 6:45 the night before.

I have managed to do the dishes and working on my first cup of coffee. Gauge has completed one romp around the yard and a few rolls on his back and is now currently looking for something to get into.

I have had a very busy few weeks. Seems like my plate has runneth over. Denali is keeping me busy with trying to get him over his pneumonia. We thought it was gone but the day I took him for a ride he started coughing again and not feeling well. It was back to the vet for more antibiotics. During the week day I am up at 4am to be at the barn at 5am to give him his round of meds and grain. Usually by 6am I am back on the road to go to work. After work I stop by the barn and do it all over again. He is improving and I am very grateful for that. Cause I have run out of extra money for the vet. $700 is about what his pneumonia cost me. My grandma asked me the other day if he was worth it. He is totally worth it. I mean if you had a life long childhood dream come true finally-what would you do? Let it pass you by or grab it?

Hey you only live once.

Many of you had commented on the saddle I was riding on in that picture. I wish I could say it was mine, and that it fit Denali and me perfect. But none of those statements are true. I am just borrowing it until I find one that fits him and me. He is a bit of a challenge to fit because of his high withers, big shoulders and long back. Then there's little old me, whose short. I'm looking for the perfect saddle for us...in the right price range. I really like the Circle Y Brand.

Anyways, enough horse talk...

I went kayaking on the river in front of boyfriends house last weekend and it was so much fun. My girlfriend and I went-she got out her phone and cranked the music on the last part of our trip. I just love being out doors this time of the year. The weather has been naughty and nice. We get bits and pieces of spring/summer and then we get tossed back into what feels like fall/winter. I really wish we could have a summer this year like we did in 2009 where it was sunny all the time and HOT!

Oh to dream...

I did yard work all weekend long. It's amazing how empowered I feel getting out the weed whacker and just going to town on that thing. The outside of my house looks good, except I have had no time to do any flower pots this year. I am going to start spit shinning the inside of my house because I am going to throw it back on the market. I have to get out of here. I can't stand my neighbors to my right any longer, even though they give me interent access. (cough cough)

Boyfriend and I have tossed around living together-it would be a big step for both of us. I would be able to save some major cash and pay off some bills by not shelling out over a grand per month just for a roof over my head. The commute to work would be closer to, hence the gas bill would go down. It's all so white picket fence.

So much to do-so little time...I guess that's why I am up before the rooster today.

Enjoy your Tuesday!

This is happiness

2011-06-06T07:34:00.001-07:00

Checking In...

2011-05-30T21:06:00.000-07:00

Five days of vacation over just like that! POOF...gone. I am seriously considering calling in sick tomorrow...no joke.

Spent five days out on the Washington peninsula, Squim area, camping out on 100 acres over looking the mountains with friends. Everyone brought their horses-it was at times a little red neck but hey, it was so much fun. The weather cooperated about 80% of the time however it was cold sleeping in a tent at night. Boyfriend and I agreed that the heating situation in our tent was up for improvement if we should "tent camp" again.

Yes, I did take my horse however I didn't ride him. I let the more experienced riders ride the buck out of him as they called it. He's getting grained twice a day now so he is all hoped up on the grain. We worked on his heard bound issues a bit as well. What was really amazing was everyone wanted to know who owned the Paint, because he was so gorgeous. It made me feel good to have people telling me what a great horse I have.

It was fun hanging out around the fire, listening to stories and watching the stars shoot across the sky. It was defiantly a change of pace from our usual Memorial Day weekend. We usually spend them on the yacht up in the San Juan islands crabbing and bobbing around the Pacific Northwest. This year we are taking a different approach to life. Boyfriend is talking about getting his own horse to ride with me and he spent a lot of the weekend paying attention to my friends dad, an old cowboy. I like that he is taking an interest in something that I am so passionate about.

I have at this point no idea where my camera is. I unpacked my suitcase and no camera. Hmmmmm well...I didn't take many pictures on it this weekend but I had a couple I was going to share. I'm sure it will turn up.

I cannot believe that it's pretty much June. For reals? Where is the year going?? Life is whizzing by me faster than I can blink. I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. have to start busting my ass again on my house. Going to throw it back up on the market and see what happens. This is too much house for little old me. My broken index finger still makes doing things a challenge. Even typing this entry is a bitch. I have lost the strength in my right hand from babying my finger and in turn not using my right hand as much. I think, I go back to the hand doctor tomorrow to see how its healing. I cannot bend it much and still very swollen. To me, that just doesn't seem normal after five weeks. But I'm a worry wart so who knows.

This coming Saturday is my Uncle's service. I am not mentally prepared to go. I asked my god mom to go with me for moral support because my dad will be busy taking care of my grandparents and I just don't want to be alone or be the one being left alone to take care of others. Sometimes, you have to admit when you can't carry the world on your shoulders and ask for help. So...I asked.

(Sigh)

It's quiet in this house. Know why? Gauge is gone. He is still at the kennel. I was too exhausted when I got home today to go get him. So I decided to leave him there another day so I get the car unloaded and stuff put away without tripping over him. The house feels empty without his presence and without his bulldoggie snores....it's making me lonely and sad with out him. Makes me realize what a significant part of my life he is.

The fat bastard cat is still here...him, I don't miss at all. Funny how your pets put a stamp on your heart that you can't undo.

(Okay I love the stupid cat)

Alright then...well this is me checking in, saying howdy...and going to bed. Ahhh...my bed. Thank God.

The Grim Reaper is a Cold Bastard

2011-05-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

So I know that I have been apologizing a lot lately for not writing and being really lame. But this last week has really sucked.

Last Saturday I was enjoying a lazy morning reading the internet, drinking coffee, when I read on the news about a tragic boating accident not far from my home town and that one person has died. I feel awful for a moment and move on with my morning.

Forty five minutes later my father calls me and informs me that my Uncle has died. In a boating accident.

Two people ended up passing away from the accident. A 13 year old boy who was my cousin once removed. The whole thing was a very freak accident and was very messed up.

I have been in a fog ever since. My family has been busy putting the arrangements together.

I just have not felt like doing much, other than just living and trying to get through this difficult time.

My horse got a visit from the vet on Tuesday, he has mild pneumonia and is being treated for that. He already is feeling better. I took him to get shod last night and when we got back he was running up and down that pasture just as fast as he could go. I haven't seen him move like that in a month. It brought such a big smile to my face.

If you want to see a funny movie go see Bridesmaids. I saw it last night and it is so freaking funny. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Felt good.

So that is my quick life update. The blog sucks I know. I appreciate those of you that still read me.

For all you Shitty Tippers out in the World...

2011-05-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

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And if you know someone that really sucks at tipping, please have them read this blog. It's very insightful.

Climbing off my soap box now.

Someone is going to San Carlos for Christmas

2011-04-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

I got a phone call yesterday at work that boyfriend had got a call from his friend that I went to Mexico with and that "we" were going to San Carlos for Christmas. No happy moment for me, no excitement here. He says, "so I am telling you cause you always say I never tell you anything" Okay but I also tell you we have to discuss things first.

Our conversation was short because I was at work. I thought about it all day, long enough to get really annoyed.

There is no way I am going to Mexico.

I have too many responsibilities keeping me here this winter. I saw boyfriend that night and said we had to talk. He was excited about going and said thankyou for me going. I told him I wasn't and he looked royally shocked. I told him my reasons for not going and he said,"Well I am still going to go." I said, "Fine, you go and have fun. You deserve a nice vacation." End of subject.

But deep inside it still burns me that he won't take care of me in such a way that we can always be together.

He is getting better...don't get me wrong. Our relationship has come a long ways. It has had many ups and many downs. I've always said time will tell.

One weekend we towed a barge home....

2011-04-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

POS Barge we left the dock at 6am to go to Port Gamble to go get this little jewel

It took us FOREVER to cross this channel-five hours!

12 hours of towing said POS Barge for boyfriend and running out of daylight we still were not close to home

So we parked it and went home. He came back for it the next day. I really had a bonding experience with my friends that came. They really enjoyed being on the boat. But I'm spoiled going 2 mph and getting nowhere fast is not my idea of fun on the water, especially on a cold day. I am typing it here...never again am I going on any more "towing" adventures.

Birch Bay, Washington April 2011

2011-04-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter and a weekend I will not soon forget

2011-04-24T08:39:00.000-07:00

I know this blog has been totally sucking lately. To the point I have lost followers. (I mean who deletes a blog from their blog real anyways?-I might come back with something awesome at some point.) I just don't have time to write much.

Well, writing just got a tad bit more complicated.

Friday night I went to a horse thing at big arena with my friend who has been helping me with Denali. Denali isn't quite ready for this big of an event so we left him home.

I was standing in the arena watching my friend take her horse through the trials when the owner of the stables comes up and wants to know if I want to ride. I told her I was a pretty green rider. She said she had the perfect trail horse. I debated it in my head and finally settled on yes. I needed to practice on posting and not bouncing in the saddle. So they bring out this horse for me all tacked up and ready to go. This horse was smaller than Denali (which is a good thing in the end) and off we went around the arena. I was on the horse about 30 minutes before all hell broke lose and I saw my life flash before my eyes.

It went like this: I pulled back on the reins just a tad and the reins broke where it connects to the bit, it came back and smack the horse in the face causing the horse to take off; I remember grabbing the saddle horn with my left hand and squeezing my legs tight in the saddle with my feet forward trying to prepare for the worst. The horse bucked three times, I held on, it was happening so fast, I saw the wall and decided time to bail. Of course there is no easy way off. I went flying off the horse and landed on my back. Everyone came running over to see if I was alright. I stood up and was brushing myself off, saying yeah I'm fine, then that's when I had this extreme pain in my right pointer finger. I looked at my hand to discover the finger was swollen and bent in way it shouldn't be, I could not move it. The pain was horrible.

Needless to say, we went to the ER horse trailer in tow. My friends husband met us there to exchange cars. Luckily we got into the ER quickly and they took me right back. After some x-rays they confirmed that I had broken my finger. I am wearing a splint. You don't realize how much you use that finger until you can't. Daily activities are a challenge, such as putting my hair in a pony tail or even writing this.

My friend told me she watched the whole thing go down. The rein in my right hand wrapped around my finger in the chaos. And when the horse took off and pulled that's when my finger broke, not when I landed.

Looking back I am incredibly lucky that I only walked a way with a broken finger, bruised tail bone and some stiffness. I went to the chiropractor yesterday and he put me back together in the areas that were out.

I have walked away learning a few things. Number one, I will invest in that riding helmet now. Two "Nose to Knee", Three don't let the reins get wrapped in your fingers, Four, I'm not riding anyone else's horse for a very long time. I truly think that Denali would have remained calm in that situation. The nurse at the hospital was in shock when I was complaining about the first splint they put on, "I can't ride in this" I whined. She looked at me like I was crazy to want to get on another horse. My friend who was so awesome sat there and said, "Yeah you got one down, nine more to go" The nurse gave me a different splint. Hey it wasn't my horse that threw me off.

Anyways, I did my best yesterday to not think about it and did a bunch of yard work. We had a beautiful day here, clear blue sky and around 65 degrees. It felt like spring yesterday for sure! Today the weather is overcast and cool. Supposed to rain.

We are going to some friends house for Easter. I am skipping my family this year because I can't deal with the family drama. And on the off chance my ex husband shows up, well my left hook isn't as strong as my right.

I can't live my life on a bunch of "what if's" and that is the trouble with starting over. You might be scared to weight all your options on your own and make that final decision. But in the end, we only have one life to live here. Why not make the most of it, enjoy each day as if it were your last. Because you never know it could be. That fall could have been my last ride. But it wasn't so, I will ride again. Learn from my mistakes and go forward with my life. My momma is watching me from above....but if she were here I know she'd say, "Girl you get back in that saddle and just go." And going forward is exactly what I will do.

Denali's First Trail Ride

2011-04-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

First off I want to apologize that I have been so M.I.A. I sorry.

But it's not gone without it's purpose! I have been working hard on getting Denali set for the trail. AND...roll out the bells and whistles folks, my friend and I loaded up her horse and Denali in the horse trailer tonight and went about 20 minutes down the road to this place called The Tree Farm, and we went for a short trail ride.

Who was an awesome boy?

Denali is living up to his name that is for sure.

He did so well! I was so proud of him that I was beaming. He was beaming himself. He didn't get nervous at all. He didn't spook when the deer came out of the trees, he didn't hesitate to go over logs or through any mud. He was a trooper.

My knees were killing me.

I'm so happy and my ride tonight was way better than sitting down and drinking a glass of vino. The high I got from just being on my horses back and out on the trailer was more than I can ever really explain. To see the positive changes in him from just one month ago! He is almost completely different with his manners. He even stands still while being groomed and doesn't fidget any longer.

I'm home and 3 Advil later, a can of soup, (2 Weight Watcher points) I'm very content. Hope I can walk tomorrow. How funny would that be! "No, I can't walk because of the horse, not the wild sex"

Oh the thought.

Wish I would have taken some pictures but I wasn't quick enough to grab my purse before we left. Next time, I promise.

I will also promise to get on those Catch Con photos and tell you all about that. I'm such a god awful slacker these days with everything.

Night All.

Tomorrow is CATCHCON 2011....YEAH BABY!

2011-04-08T08:01:00.001-07:00

I'm so excited! It's going to be fun...of course you all will hear about it. :)

NOW it feels like I have a horse!

2011-04-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight's training session: Saddle meet Denali...Denali meet Saddle.

When Denali showed us that he was cool with the saddle being on his back we worked with him and then...well the picture speaks for its self.

The feeling I got sitting on him was a rush of excitement and the reality of yes this life long dream of mine has finally come true! AND IT FELT AMAZING!

Although we only worked with the saddle for a little while; just me on his back and my friend leading him around in the round pen, I felt really good on him. Denali still needs time. He is weak from not being worked or ridden and so like any out of shape couch potato, he needs to get into shape.

Tomorrow, oh I can't wait for tomorrow! And the future with my horse.

Meet Buddy

2011-03-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

Remember at Christmas when I said Boyfriend adopted a puppy? And a few of you begged me to put a picture up? And then I promptly ignored you all for four months? I'm super cool like that. Stop rolling your eyes and judging me.

ANYWAYS I finally remembered about how I needed to put Buddy's mug on the internet! (And how much I have been sucking as a blogger lately)

So here is Buddy-our Christmas adopted puppy. Black Lab, who is a real sweetheart. Sometimes a pain in the ass. And he had to learn some manors about the snorting farting low rider is not a pot bellied pig that is your brother the English bulldog and if you pick a fight with him. Well, you get your nuts chopped off.

Which is why Gauge still has his....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(yeah I have a favorite so sue me)

Buddy likes to go to the barn and try to chase birds and horses. He is funny because he will just sit down and stare at you like, "now what?"

I like Buddy, I do. He's growing on me for sure.

2011-03-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

I had a really cool post for you today. With pictures and everything...but you can blame Blogger for it not being here...they are making some changes...I hate change. So F U blogger for screwing with me this morning and making this more difficult than it had to be.

I guess I will try again later...or god forbid consider wordpress...ACK I KNOW!

Quick life update

2011-03-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

Call it luck of the past full moon...I don't know what but I'm laying in bed right now with an internet connection...quick someone knock on wood!

Life has been busy and filled with things to do daily. I have come to the realization that maintaining responsibilities at home, at work, with boyfriend and with a horse is very hard for my full plate. Boyfriend and I had to have a heart to heart over the weekend about priorities. I guess he felt a little neglected. I really feel like that was a one sided conversation, because it was okay when I was getting the short end of the stick but now that I have something filling all my free time and its not him, well now he must throw his arms in the air. However, a few adjustments in my actions can be made. And well, all can be right in our world again.

It's his birthday in a couple of weeks and I have no idea what to get him. I mean what do you get a man who has everything he needs and is really picky to start with?

Stomach bug again...I've felt craptastic all day and had to come straight home from work and park it on the couch. Gauge has been my nurse. Although right now he is slacking on the job because I want a refill on my fruit smoothie and he is sleeping through my requests.

Yeah so I'm alive just haven't felt like writing much these last few days. I guess it happens. But hey the good news is it is now spring! Now more winter! Now that is something to be happy about!!

I hope you really appreciate this post because I'm freezing my ass off for you.

2011-03-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know what happened since our last storm but ever since I have not been able to get good internet connection. Eh-hm. Getting internet connection for free via the neighbors its tough when the shit doesn't work properly. So now I'm currently outside on the deck in layers, sitting in a dining room chair, getting what little service I can and taking care of a few things on the web tonight.

Brrr it's fucking cold out here.

Oh yeah Happy St. Patrick's day. The only green I wore today was on my underwear. And so when my co-workers were like, "You're not wearing green" and then would go to pinch me, I would just smile and say, "Oh yes I am but you just haven't found it yet." And walk away. HA! I'm evil.

This weekend my old high school is putting on the musical Bye, Bye, Birdie. I'm narcissistic enough to go see it just because I was in it. So I'm going to drag boyfriend along. I played the mother when I was 17. The director really wanted me to dye my hair or paint it gray for the part and I refused. My role won me best supporting actress that year. And I am very proud of my theater award. The following year, my senior year, the director created an award called the Ovation Award it is given to the student who does the most outstanding performances and work throughout their entire high school career. This award is given to each student but there is a plaque that hangs in the school and the each student who wins their name & the year they won goes on that award. I was the very first person to win the award. It makes me feel famous. Or infamous in my own mind. Ahh those were the good old days for sure.

Anyways, today was the first sunny day after a few long rainy windy days. I had someone else feed Denali tonight so I could come home and take Gauge for a nice long walk. He certainly needed it and let's be honest, so did I.

Here is Gauge huffing and puffing his way down the street. (Yeah I know my finger is in the shot-it's too cold out here to try and photo shop)

Gauge has to drop his winter weight and so do I...with daylight savings, we finally have the daylight in the evening for us to do this. We shall be getting our walk on.

Well my fingers are frozen. My feet are cold. I can no longer feel my nose. So that is all. Have a nice night. And maybe it's time I finally look into getting my own internet...maybe....

Untitled

2011-03-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

Today I watched a piece of my childhood get torn down. It was very sad. See there is well there was this little put-put golf and miniature railroad place off Broadway in Everett. When I was a child, around four or five my mother took me there to ride the train. My mother was always good at finding fun things like that for me. The train went through this little forest and I remember that they had carved animals throughout the forest; I remember laughing and having a good old time.
What brought me back there is next door has been this Western Apparel shop and I still need some riding boots. Not sure as to what size or fit I decided to stop in and try on a few pairs on my way home from work tonight. When I walked up to the place I immediately noticed that they had some serious logging equipment out back taking down the forest. The place said they were open but when I walked up to the door it was locked. I peered inside and didn’t see anyone around. I started down the steps slowly looking around and when I turned back a man in a cowboy hat was at the door unlocking it. He said hi to me and said he was out back watching the entertainment. I walked in the store and was greeted by a cold air. The place was freezing! Obviously they had turned off the heat. He showed me where the ladies section was and began schooling me on how to wear Western boots. A lot different than regular boots I might say. He did not have a lot for me to look and so I asked if he ever got anything new in, he told me no because when the land goes so were they-but he could do special orders in the mean time. Sad. I commented on how they had been here many years and he nodded and didn’t say much to that and then I said how I had gone to the railroad place as a child. He answered back how they finished pulling up all the tracks last week. I wanted to cry. Nodding I just turned away and glanced around the place. It was shell of a place that once was a very good business. Now just waiting until it’s last final breath, until it is a ghost of someone’s memories.

I thanked him for his time and help. It was to frightfully cold to stay much longer.

As I walked down the steps I glanced out into the woods where the train used to circle and I remembered my laughter intertwined with my mother’s embrace.

I dedicate this song to my ex husband

2011-03-12T11:56:00.000-08:00

Exclusive Deadliest Catch Season 7 trailer UNCENSORED

2011-03-11T21:10:00.000-08:00

Deadliest Catch fans, it's that time again. A new season is creeping up on us fast. If you have never had the pleasure of meeting any of the guys in person or going to any of the events...I can assure you that these guys are just like any guys off the street...

So with out further ado, I bring you a uncensored season 7 trailer

watch it HERE (Read the article-the video is at the bottom) ENJOY!

Deadliest Catch CatchCon 2011 April 9, 2011 Whose Going?

2011-03-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

Do you have your ticket? Did you stalk Facebook this morning, refreshing your screen every five seconds?

I did.

And I am proud to say that I am going to CatchCon this year and so is boyfriend.

As well as my CatchCon friends. We will be hooping it up...just like last year...where it all started.

God help those Captains...and their crew.

Hello People...I'm 11 Years Old

2011-03-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

According to the vet: Denali is 11 years old...is a good sound, healthy horse with "rough" ground manners.

(Well duh. We haven't begun our training yet.)

However, inside him is a great a horse waiting to bust out.

That part I already knew...thank you very much.

I'm not creative enough to come up with a title for this long ass post so just read it and be happy mmmkay.

2011-03-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday morning Stalkers and I'm sitting here drinking some coffee in my pj's. What are you doing? Gauge is currently rolling around on his back, snorting.

It has been a long week and I am glad it's over. Let's recap shall we?

The weather has been terrible all week. Western Washington had a mixture of snow, rain, wind, sun, repeat. Only in Seattle can we have all four of our seasons in one day. Tuesday I mashed my pinkie finger while mucking the stables and now the nail is turning nice shades of blue, purple and red. It hurt really bad to type for a couple of days.

Gauge gave me quite the scare. He was limping around very badly and acting very strange. He didn't want anything to do with his bed. He would stare at it and then just walk away. I tried to make him as comfortable as possible. The next day, he had an eye infection. I pulled out my Gauge First Aid Kit and put his medicine in his eye. After work that day I went to the pet store and bought him some Joint Relief supplements, a new bone and then headed over to the Costco to buy him a new bed. (Go to Costco for pet beds, they are only $17) When I got home I made the whole evening all about him. I gave him a bath, which he wasn't too thrilled about. Then gave him his medicine and rewarded him with the bone. He was in heaven with that bone and chewed on it for three hours. When I brought out the new bed he could have cared less. It wasn't until this morning that I have seen an improvement with him and found him sleeping this morning on his bed. But this gave me a reality check that my Gauge is a senior dog and that one day that time will come. And it is going to hurt like Hell and tear me apart. I'm probably going to have to take time off from work to grieve over my dog...that's how bad it will be. Because he was all I could think about on Thursday at work. He is a big pain in my ass at times; but there is nothing like his wiggles and snorts to brighten even my toughest of days. And this dog has been by my side through it all. Now he is snoring...it is a lovely sound.

Moving on...

Got an email from the Bossman at work this week informing us all that we were getting a new "Director". This "Director" is actually someone from the Corporate office, (To recap Corporate owns 90% of us Bossman owns 10% of us) I actually worked with the person they are sending as the Director during the acquisition process and he is a very good person. He is going to be based at our facility and from the sounds of it we will be reporting to him. The majority of us that worked with him in the acquisition process see this as a good thing and are hoping that this will be a positive thing and bring some light to the end of the dark tunnel. Corporate is nervous that us employees that came over are going to walk; as they should be. We are the ones with all the knowledge of how the company works. And right now, none of us are happy. Except yesterday when we all got high off the paint fumes when they were painting the new offices. OMG, the old days we would have been let to go home. But they wouldn't dismiss us so we had to stay and we were light headed and goofy. So you read it here...any long term affects from my exposure to paint fumes well...you know. Margaritas for all. Fucking stupid. It's all about the bottom line. Well so, I have hope. Maybe that the job might get better.

Okay so did I mention anywhere that my doctor told me I had to drop 40 pounds? I'm too lazy to go back and look. Yeah so one of my friends and I are joining Weight Watchers together. Which I'm totally excited about...(that's such a lie) because I will for the first time have someone to do it with me. (Okay well that part is true). But she told me if we were going to do this, we were REALLY GOING TO DO THIS. So she said we were going to do Zumba too. I was like....okkkkaaayyy. Totally not sure what I was agreeing too. I had heard of it, kind of thought I knew what it was. Then I saw the info commercial on TV and got the shit scared out of me. Yeah, I really don't know I am that coordinated. We shall soon find out. We are starting in two weeks when her schedule clears...until then, I'm enjoying pasta for dinner and Coke. Not the Charlie Sheen kind.

Yesterday I spent $120 on a new barn jacket. It's waterproof and breathable. I have been admiring it from one of my friends and I finally just went and bought it.

It has a hood and it will keep me nice and dry when out side with the horses. I have been using my Marine/Foul weather gear jacket and it was getting thrashed. Can't have that, so it was time to invest in a Carhartt. Everywhere I looked this jacket was selling for $130-$140 I found it at WorkNMore in Everett for $116. Deal!

Last night I took my friend who lost her dad out for margaritas on me. We sat at the restaurant for three hours and I just let her do the talking. I feel pretty awful for her right now because of certain circumstances she is left with all the final expenses and she does not have the money. It made me realize that I need to get some things in order with my own father. Not to be greedy, but my dad does not live a 'healthly' lifestyle. If something were to happen. I wouldn't know. However, I know that I would not be left with final expenses and I'm grateful for that. The funeral home charged her $125 for a box just to cremate him in. She was a little bit miffed, understandably so, she actually didn't authorize him to be released to that funeral home. It's kind of a big mess. Needless to say, I kept making her sip on her jumbo margarita.

Well-TODAY Denali is going for a ride! He is getting packed up and put in the trailer and going for a short ride to the vet! I KNOW, exciting! (Well not for my pocket book) He is going for his check up, have his teeth floated, have his sheath cleaned, and have anything else done that needs to be done. And hopefully the vet can tell me how old he is. One of the ladies that boards her horses at Boyfriends I've befriended, she's so nice she told me that she would trailer him for me. In turn, I'm taking her out to dinner tonight and then we are going to go see the movie Rango with some of her horse friends. I tell you, I'm so blessed to have all these horse people in my life. It's the right time to have a horse. It only took 20 years but finally!

Since I have to go get him all spiffy before the vet appointment, he's been rolling in the mud, I best get going myself. Until the next time...you all have a great weekend!

Country Living

2011-03-01T21:00:00.000-08:00

Can you believe this guy just roams around from farm to farm; he's like Grade A coyote bait.

Anyways...no time to chat tonight...I have to get up at 4am.

Night!

I live

2011-02-28T22:22:00.000-08:00

'Tis I. The Disappearing Wonder.

I'm truly sorry for not writing sooner...but I've been busy. Had a really nice weekend with friends and the boyfriend-time just flew right on by. Before I knew it Monday was here yet again. Funny how that keeps happening.

We had lots of snow up my way this weekend...so much that I was finally forced to buy two new tires for Pedal Jumper. Then boyfriend had to drive us around Saturday night in his 4x4. It was very slick out.

Sunday I went to a Horse Tack Sale put on by the local 4H. It was very crazy, reminded me a lot of what shopping on Black Friday is like. You get there right when it opens; the doors open and everyone goes rushing in. People are pushing and shoving and yanking things out of your hands, no really-they did. In the end, with the help of one of my horse friends, I walked away with a headstall with a $40 bit already on it for just $20, a pair of reins for $3, a saddle pad for $15, a fly mask for $5, a hay net for $1 and an automatic water for $10. It was so much fun.

Because Mother Nature is obviously off of her meds, we decided to wait to move Denali. So he is still at his own barn and I was a little bummed that we are not going to start training him until the end of the month. Patience right?

In other news, I was at the doctor tonight for a procedure to remove a bump from my head. Yes it was super fun, I have less hair on my head and it hurts like hell right now. Anyways, that's not really what I wanted to share, what I wanted to share was my heart pictures came back clear! I have NO ISSUES with my heart! YAHOO. No blockages! (Happy Dance) Okay now for the bad news. Doc said I had to lose 40 pounds. First he said 50 and I about came off the table and choked him, then he said, okay 40. Yeah I have to get back down to the size I was and then some in 2009. What a fricking reality check. Helloooo Fat Ass.

I'm sitting here in pain trying to think of my plan of attack. Not quite sure how I want to tackle the beast that is my Buddha Belly.

Anyways....

In other news, I found out today that one of my good friends is having her 3rd baby! Yes 3rd! WOWzers! And that another is having her first. One friend was commenting how she is so tired now. And I couldn't help but think, "You're going to be tired for the next, what three to five years?" Good for them...I am happy for them. It's what they want.

I'm happy with my little life, (except for that job thing) I couldn't imagine trying to take care of something so fragile like a child, when everything in this world is so uncertain. You never know if you'll have job or a roof over your head, or food. Or if some crazy dictator is going to drop bombs on our asses. No, I'm good with me and my fur kiddos. Yeah, we've had this talk before haven't we? I won't bore you again.

Sad news, another friend of mine lost her father this weekend. She contacted me because she knew that I would understand what she was going through. I feel bad when people do this; because it's almost like they expect me to say something that will make it all okay. But the truth is, I don't know what to say to them. I lived it...but honestly nothing you can say will ever change the hurt and pain you feel in that moment. It's so raw and you feel like you are literally torn to pieces and your heart ripped from your chest. It truly is the worse thing I ever experienced. What can you say to that? I loathed when people told me, "She is in a better place now". It would piss me off. My mom wasn't sick. Her better place in my eyes, was on earth with me and my father. Not taken so young from us. So, I don't say that. I don't say much. Other than I'm sorry and that I understand. However, I can say...that I know that our loved ones wouldn't want us to be sad for them.
I feel bad for my friend. I have offered to help and she is trying to do everything by herself. I think I will bring them a frozen lasagna tomorrow night.

Well I have ranted...rattled and rambled enough...time for bed.

It never ends.

8 inches of Snow last night and guess what, mother nature is having another fit. It is snowing again.

2011-02-24T16:39:00.000-08:00

Front yard

Gauge deciding if he is liking the snow

"Mom, you have got to be joking."

The hill that was the reason I could not leave the house today. Thank you.

"Oh my god, a patch of green grass! SCORE!"

I don't know why he didn't empty it on the grass, but here is good. Yeah...right here.

It's touching my belly.

This requires absolute concentration. And my tongue helps my balance.

"I'm at the house...why are you still back there taking pictures?"

Snow ball fight!

"I'm outta here!"

THE END

SNOW DAY!

2011-02-24T05:58:00.001-08:00

Coming soon...Gauge in snow pictures....just waiting for the sun to come up and for him to roll out of bed...just wait for it....

Home today...going out in the world is just to depressing

2011-02-22T15:42:00.000-08:00

It's all just plain messed up I tell you.

I have been trying to fight the stomach flu bug off since Sunday...I win, It wins, I think I'm dying, It does the happy dance in my belly, I win again, It punches me in the gut, I crawl off to the bathroom in defeat, it's a vicious circle.

Last night was miserable; It was busy doing it's own UFC fight in my belly, taking down my intestines and stomping them into submission. I thought I would be able to rest, but boyfriend had different plans. He wanted to be an asshole.

I don't know why I even engaged in his major assholishness, but I did. Then it was knock down drag out screaming match of who is the bigger asshole. (He totally was the winner)

Several tears later and text messages I wore myself out and went to bed.

4:30 am came way to early. And I felt like It was still having a College Frat party in my stomach. I rolled over in bed and gazed up at the ceiling for a half hour. There was no way I could make my body "go" anywhere. I felt sick and holy hell, is that a fever I feel coming on?

I let ten more minutes go by before I grabbed the computer and emailed work. "I"m Dead. Don't expect me to come in. Ever Again."

I wish.

I wrote a nice update of how I still had my flu bug and if I improved I would try to come in.

Send.

I checked the news to find out two very depressing things. First off, it was snowing outside. Second. Those bitch pirates had killed the four American sailors of the yacht they had hijacked on Friday. Pissed me off so bad. For a moment I thought about the letter I would write our President. Then, I thought about the autographed Obama 8x10 I would just get back as my response. And then I would have some explaining to do.
I'm not up to date on the Maritime law; but some shit has got to change. Enough is enough.

(Big Sigh)

So I'm hoping tomorrow I will be well enough to go to work. Although there is a snow storm coming and it's highly possible I could get snowed in.

Oh and in case you didn't know...TODAY IS NATIONAL MARGARITA DAY!!!!!

Anyways, because of his assholishness and my pretty princess magical powers Boyfriend now has the stomach flu. HA serves him right! Enjoy your throne King Asshole.

* UPDATED* The only Pirate I like is Captain Jack Sparrow, other than that this Pirate thing is out of control and needs to be stopped!

2011-02-20T08:01:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of this shit this morning at all? Do you even care? Our oceans our under siege-- those little bastard pirates, with their weapons and fishing dingys. They are high jacking oil tankers (unsuccessful) and super yachts (successful). Holding hundreds of people for ransom! It is a world wide problem that should be addressed; a lot sooner than later.

I follow a yacht blog and this morning I read that four American crew have now been taken hostage from a sailing yacht 240 nautical miles off the coast of Oman in the Indian Ocean. Seriously, WTF?! (READ the article HERE)

***UPDATE*** TWO OF THE AMERICANS ARE FROM SEATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!**** READ KING 5 NEWS COVERAGE AND SEE VIDEO HERE!

Every Government needs to get involved to make our Oceans safer again. These bastards are doing this because,who is going to stop them? No, really... who is?

"Written in the Stars" Totally digging this song too take a listen!

2011-02-19T18:25:00.001-08:00

"Sail" Loving this song right now

2011-02-19T18:19:00.001-08:00

DC Season 7 Sneak Peak!

2011-02-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

Tonight while watching Gold Rush Alaska I saw the preview for season 7 of Deadliest Catch! I couldn't help but get excited. Hard to believe that another season is just around the corner for us die hard fans and that it will be time for another year of Catch Con.

I can't believe it's been a year since I ended up in line with three fantastic ladies and that we have become such good friends and have shared some pretty good laughs and adventures!

Here's to another season of Deadliest Catch...we're all here waiting....

My Stress Test

2011-02-17T21:49:00.000-08:00

I don't know what happened...but I ended up using shower time as a way to just day dream about all the things I wanted to do, was not yet doing, and blah blah and by the time I got out of the freaking shower I had five minutes to get ready and leave! How's that for starting out your stress test?

I arrived at the hospital, (sans makeup) and parked in the clinic parking because there was no way I was walking the half mile from the parking lot to the entrance. I figured I'd pull out my knee brace and start waving it in the air like a lunatic if anyone gave me any shit.

The receptionist checked me in, told me the wrong place to go and I ended up getting lost. I found the Cardiology department and the guy nurse was pretty nice. Daniel was his name and it turns out he is Swedish. Yes, you can let your imaginations go wild. Daniel is a sweetie and takes me up stairs to where I'm really suppose to go first he explains to me that I am to see him later for the actual treadmill part, but first they are going to shoot me up with some radio active material first, let me rest a while then take pictures of my heart.

He drops me off in the waiting room and I'm later fetched by another cutie pie male nurse, tech, whatever. His name is Curtis and he is tall dark and athletic. Hello hotness.
Curtis has to put in IV in my arm and I try not to pass out; I'm not good with needles but Curtis has the hands of an angel and I tell him he's really gentle and thank you because it's appreciated. He tells me that I need to go back out in the waiting room for 30 minutes for the stuff to work its way through my blood and then he'll bring me back for the picture part. Okay.

(Insert 30 minutes of elevator music here)

I'm brought back to the room again and laid out on the table, told to lay still...what you would expect. It was similar to getting an MRI, except the camera goes around your chest very, very, very, very slowly taking pictures.

After 28 looooooooooong mintues I'm released from my position of torture and we go upstairs for the treadmill part. Daniel is now going to give me a fancy gown to wear and hook me up to the electrodes and other monitoring equipment. ~~Why didn't I wear a cuter bra?~~ So then Curtis comes in and now it's three of us, in this tiny room with a treadmill and other equipment. We are waiting for the doctor. To try and break the ice and be funny I say, "gee, all we need is a band and some drinks and we'll have a party" They laugh but as soon as I said it...I realized, yeah that probably didn't sound good. (Insert face palm here) DOH!

The doctor comes in; Dr. Coin. (Short for "I'm a Cardiologist and I make Bank") He explains what I will be doing and asks me a few questions. Like "So, why we here today?" Well lets see, "I wanted to see if my shitty insurance wouldn't cover yet another procedure doc, so here I am! Rack it up!" Really? I'm here for my heart! I'm having chest discomfort!

My ~~eye candy~~ nurses were in the room with me and the doctor and room was so small. Like as big as my closet small. I started to feel very weird about the whole experience and then couldn't help but feel sad that if my mother had taken these types of steps she might still be here. ANYWAYS, yeah so I got my fat ass moving on the treadmill. Which I am happy to report my knee was good, no knee brace required. And when they were done having me go; I felt like I could still go on longer.

So the doctor tells me in the EKG part of my treadmill exam he does see "something". But to not be alarmed. They get false positives on women all the time. So don't worry about it. They will want to look at the pictures of heart with the radio active stuff which is more effective then the EKG. Then I'm sent back to go rest for 30 more minutes in the waiting room.

(Insert 30 minutes of bad elevator music here along with one crazy person)

Then it's back to lay down for 23 minutes this time for another round of pictures.

I should have the results in a few days.

Total time at hospital: 4 hours.

It really was not enjoyable at all. Except for the eye candy...that was the only nice part.

Being Lazy until I have to work it.

2011-02-17T10:48:00.000-08:00

I am home from ~~Hell~~ work today; I slept in until 9am and I'm still in my jammies. It feels wonderful!! Soon I though I will be getting up and jumping in the shower and leaving for the hospital for my treadmill test. I really do not know what to expect now from what everyone has been telling me this week. Honestly, I really don't care. All I care about is that I end up being healthy and they don't end up saying I need surgery for a stint or something dramatic like that.

I am really anxious for the end of the month. Denali is leaving and going to my friends house to begin his training and I will be riding him soon. I can't wait-but I'm also a little nervous. He is so happy now that he is healthy. I'm buying him his 5 way shot tomorrow so he can get pricked on Saturday. My horse is the only thing that is keeping me calm right now in this insane life of mine. I see him and the stress just leaves me. But when I leave him, it all comes back.

Gauge is getting older and slower. It makes me sad to know that he is 8 and half and he is a senior now. I really can't believe how fast time flies. I am going to make him an appointment to go to the "beauty parlor" so he can have some ooo la la time. He likes that. I'm going to try and find him an orthopedic bed for his little old joints. I think he will be sad to loose his Perla bed. But I think he needs something easier for him to get in and out of and something more comfortable for him.

If it weren't for my craptastic work environment, I would say I'm pretty happy. I just hate my job right now. Considering that is where I spend 40+ hours a week of life, that isn't healthy. And since I tend to loose my focus and my filter when I'm in a place like that...well it just isn't good. I go to work everyday with the mantra, "today I will just do my job to the best of my ability and try to keep my big mouth shut."

But it's so hard!

So please forgive my bitching about my job. I really have no where else to do it!

Well onto hoping for the best for my heart. For a healthy new me. Right oh. We've heard that before. But I mean it this time. I'm swearing off french fries and hamburgers. Truly.

Gusty Saturday morning and further proof I'm falling apart at 32

2011-02-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

The wind has picked up like its a scene from the Wizard of Oz here in da 'hood. I'm holed up in the house, keeping warm, drinking some coffee and preparing myself to leave for the barn for the afternoon. I'm really a fair weather kind of girl.

Last night was fun, I got a phone call from my horse friend, she wanted to go to a movie so off we went to go see 'Just Go With It'. It was pretty much what you expected. But it made us laugh and afterwards we stopped at the Mexican establishment across the way for a margarita night cap. We talk about how much our jobs sucked; we might be joining Weight Watchers together, she told me how she going to re tile her shower pan today (she is a bad ass), and then we discussed horses of course and our coming Memorial Day weekend trip. Needless to say, I had a nice night, considering my original plan was to collapse like a sack of potatoes on the couch.

Okay so this morning was my chiropractor appointment. I had called the doc after my knee started bothering me again after my last adjustment. He suspected my pelvis was out again. I lay down on his table and he touches my knee and OUCH! THAT HURT LIKE A MOTHER!!! He adjusts my knee. Yup, apparently my knee was out. My knee out? Since when? The jerk.

Then he does the usual stuff. Hips, neck. back. etc.

I stand up and then OUCH! MOTHER TRUCKER!!! My left elbow is screaming at me. "Doc, my elbow hurts really bad."
"Are you kidding?"
"Uh. NO! It really, really hurts."
"Okay, let me see." He wiggles my elbow and then-pops it back into place!
Ahhhh better.

Noo...wait a minute. Now my neck starts to hurt again. Back on the table I go. Adjustment. Then I'm finally ready to leave.

I'm a freak of nature I have decided. I am falling apart.

But the good news is; my knee feels better! AH HA!

It's 4am I'm up...can't sleep so why knot.

2011-02-11T04:49:00.000-08:00

Moon over the Olympic Mountain range: from www.pugetsoundblogs.com

I can't sleep. I'm already thinking about so much. The job, the future, the revolution in Egypt. Okay the last part is a bit of a stretch.
The coffee is on; actually the beeper went off...hold on a sec....

-----

Mmmm so good.

My mind is racing this morning! I can't slow it down. One of my readers wrote to me; they seem to think I have it so together. Thank you...I'm flattered. But I feel like I'm still taking it one day at a time. When life seems to be going in the right direction, I'm still waiting for the shoe to drop. Hence, I think that's why my mind is moving so fast this morning.

I'm not happy with my job. I can't see a future there and it scares me. I don't trust the knew management and I don't trust myself to keep my big mouth shut. I have started looking elsewhere but the prospects are grim. City jobs look more appealing, but really, what the hell am I doing with my life? Do I want to be doing something clerical my whole life? A career would be nice. My dream of going out on the sea and traveling as a yachtie, I wish I would have done. But now I have a horse-I can't possibly up and leave now! I mean that's my life long dream come true!

Gauge is snoring next to the bed. Do you know how hard it is to write with a snoring bulldog next to the bed who is louder than your thoughts? My inner voice keeps having to "talk louder" just to be heard!

The last 6 days of work have been a nightmare; I have been covering for one my coworkers who went on a much deserved vacation. Her job is very important to the company. There has been a lot of other stress that the new owners have been putting on us this week. They don't seem to get all that we do, we don't have time to do what they want and get our work done; and when you're already doing two people's jobs, it makes it rather tough. Oh and did I mention we were short staffed to begin with? Robots, that's what they are looking for, Robots.

(Sigh) Valentine's Day is Monday. But we're going to celebrate it this weekend. Yeah I know, not the same but I don't like doing stuff during the week.

Next Thursday is my Treadmill test for my heart. I hope my knee can take it. I was told the test lasts for up to five hours. They said to bring comfortable shoes and a book because there will be down time. I'm glad I'm doing this; it will be nice to find out if the pain I'm having is anxiety or is a heart attack waiting to happen.

I'm getting my tax return soon. And it's a nice one! The biggest one I've EVER had! I'm paying off some credit cards and some other debt, and also buying a new phone. Then I'm joining Weight Watchers, I can track it on my new phone-see I have a plan!

Denali got his first worm shot yesterday. One down four more to go. He took it like a champ. He really is a very good horse. He can be in the back forty and I call for him and he just comes a running for me. He loves me so much I can see it in his eyes. He follows me everywhere in the pasture. He really has bonded with me. I am excited for the end of the month when we begin retraining him. My friend thinks I'll be able to ride him in about a week of working with him! I hope so!

Gauge is doing just fine since his run in last weekend with the horses. He only limped for a couple of days and then was back to himself. I watched him closely to see if he had a concussion-he showed no signs. So I'm pretty sure he just got a good thump. I'm not going to take any more chances with him. When he visits the barn he will be on a leash.

The weather here has been cold and sunny the last couple of days which has been such a nice winter treat. However now it is supposed to return to wind and rain. Not really looking forward to more of that, however it beats the snow and ice the east coast is having. Sorry guys.

At this point I suppose I'm just rambling away and should just hit Publish. Happy Friday to you all.. I'm so glad it's finally here!

Yada-Yada #87532

2011-02-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

It's been nuts people. Just plain nuts the last few days. We're talking crazy busy.

I am able to ~~steal~~ barrow some internet from the neighbors tonight and can finally get online after ~~they cut me off~~ it was shut off for a week.

There has been at least a half dozen times this past week that I have wanted to walk off my job and give them the one finger solute. But that's just crazy talk. Right? I can't expect things to be like they used to be before we got bought out. It's been really, really rough. It has taken a lot out of each and every one of us. Health wise, why-I have no trouble sleeping because I'm working myself to exhaustion every day. But my blood pressure is back up and next week I get to do a treadmill test. Oh and guess what? Two weeks ago I had my back adjusted because my neck was bothering and the doctor told me that my pelvis was rotated. Now, my fucking bad knee is acting up! I had no knee pain before I went in to see him...now I'm in pain and back to wearing the brace again. I called him tonight and he wants me to come back in. He "thinks" my pelvis might not be all the way in. Spare me. My knee cannot be giving me trouble now.

Denali is being a good horse. He had his first farrier appointment on Saturday...I was calling it his pedicure appointment. He has good hooves. However, I discovered he has a case of the worms. So, on the advice of a horse expert I ordered him some high powered five day dose wormer to clear up the problem. I felt so awful for him. I bought him a bunch of goodies this month. He is so spoiled.

Gauge did not have a good day on Saturday. I took to the barn with me, I want him to learn about horses. He thinks they are going to try and hurt me so he freaks out. I have been slowly trying to introduce him to them. But Gauge is of course a bulldog and is stubborn. He wouldn't obey his 'stay' command and helped himself into the paddock and ended up getting a kick in the shoulder. After making sure he was okay I was certain he would have learned. Nope he came back for more. And got a soft kick in the head by one of the horses that was eating. I was telling Gauge to get out and he turned to scramble out when the horse kicked him. I guess it was good that Gauge was turning away from them or the impact might have been worse. After that Gauge was done and so was I. He spent the rest of the day not at the barn. He limped around for a couple of days on his pain killers but now he is just fine and back to his normal self. And I have learned my lesson too. Gauge will always try to protect me no matter how big the creature is, and it isn't worth it to me to try and teach him different.

I see my to do list getting longer of the things I need to do around the house outside. Like take down the Christmas lights. But I'm not that bad, there is someone that lives by me that still has there's up and has them on, yes on...including the light up Santa, every night! It's almost Valentine's Day! At what point do you say, "Yeah Santa should come off the roof now?"

Bring on the list making....Spring is around the corner...I can feel it...can you?

Happy 32nd Birthday to ME!

2011-01-30T15:43:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday. Yup. Yup. Time does fly. Seems like yesterday I was writing about my 31st birthday. (Sigh) Anyways, last night boyfriend took me to the most amazing birthday dinner...EVER!

Just him and I, alone. It was fantastic! I asked him if he would mind dressing up for me, (since he's more comfortable in his jeans and a flannel) he surprised me wearing a suit jacket and dress shirt! He was smokin hot! I couldn't stop looking at him and grinning and thinking 'yup, he's all mine.'

So I got an early birthday present on Friday....

To bring you up to speed, at the first of the year my Realtor called to tell me some bad news. She told me that house prices were continuing to drop and that isn't good news for me. My house is rare, its a house on the market that is NOT in foreclosure or a short sale, so I am competing with all of those prices. She told me that she felt that I should try to hang onto the house for a couple more years. Which of course, I didn't want to do or financially strap myself to it. She suggested I call my mortgage company and see if they would work with me. I had little faith because I had called them in August and they had pretty much told me because I had never been late or was not behind, they couldn't work with me. Depressing.

I decided to give it a shot anyways.

To my surprise, they had on file that I was married and that I still had my husbands income! I was like, "Oh no, no, and NO!" They took down all my information and then told me that I prequalified for a loan modification. (I'm not a big religious person, but I did pray) I had some paper work to fill out, which I had done over the weekend and they told me they would be in touch.

Friday I got the best news ever. I am approved and they have lowered my paper way down to a manageable amount, at 2% interest and the payments are now covering principle and interest, along with taxes and insurance. Where as before it was just covering interest, taxes and insurance. THANK YOU GOD!

I cried happy tears.

What a relief. Financially I predict, I will be able to get ahead and a handle on some of my debt. I will also be able to have confidence on being able to afford my horse.

It has been a nice, quiet, laid back birthday. Like I said above, boyfriend and I celebrated last night by him taking me to dinner. Today I am hanging out at his place, (where there is internet) I gave Denali a bath and a good brushing. Watching the eagles play in the sky and enjoying the peace and quiet.

I think that this year will be a pretty good year. My birthday is just the start!

Gauge is becoming a Farm Dog

2011-01-28T12:28:00.000-08:00

Although it is a looooooooong walk to the barn.

I'm stuck, now what?

2011-01-25T20:00:00.000-08:00

Well you get yourself out thats what!

If you have learned anything about me at all these last couple of years it would be that I'm an independent female. So when I got my car stuck in the mud tonight at boyfriends barn and he was back at the house over five acres away, the logical thing to do was to get to work pulling my car out of the mud.

First I tried to go forward and then backward. Then repeat. That did no good but sling mud all over my car and dig my front wheels down deeper.

Then I tried putting a board in front of the tires to get some traction, when that didn't work I tried putting the board behind the tires for traction.

When those ideas failed and I was determined to fix the problem myself, I remembered my trusty tow rope in the trunk of my car. It came in the roadside assistance bag my dad gave me for Christmas 6 years ago. I pulled it out and then went looking for a farm vehicle with keys in it to use to pull me out.

I found the keys in the Ford flat bed truck. I started the beast up and jocked it into position. Hooking the tow rope up to Pedal Jumper and the flat bed truck, then I put Pedal Jumper into neutral and then jumped back into the flat bed and shoved it into reverse. The beast roared to life as I gave it some gas and slowly but surly Pedal Jumper came out of the muddy hole!

AH HA! I am triumphant!

My car is covered in mud. I was a little muddy, but I got the car out all by myself. And that was such an awesome empowering feeling.

When I got back to the house, I told boyfriend I got my car stuck and his reaction was as if he had to go pull me out. The look on his face was priceless when I told him I got my own self out. When he asked me how, my answer was, "With a tow rope, duh." He grabbed me up and gave me a big hug and kiss. He told me he was proud of me.

Hmmm well see if he's still proud of me in the morning when the sun comes up and he sees what a mess I made :)

The Farm Girl in me tried hard

2011-01-23T20:58:00.000-08:00

Last night I found a stray cat that was very ill. I took it home, made a bed for it in my bathroom and then ran to town for the First Aid. I got the Electrolyte drink and a dropper, some canned cat food and a litter box. The cat was very lethargic and thin. It wouldn't eat or drink on it's own. It was heart breaking. I did my best to nurse him through out the night. Praying that if it pulled through that I vowed I would find it a good home. I even dreamed all night long about the cat. That it did pull through and was a good happy cat.

But this morning it was worse. It had thrown up what I had given it. My instincts told me that it's little organs were shutting down. I called everywhere. Paws, Noah, Perfect Pet, no one would take it. Finally in desperation I called the Emergency clinic and the vet told me to just go to the animal shelter with it; she was pretty sure if I showed up with it they would take it. I felt so awful inside that I couldn't save the little guy. And was wondering how I would feel if this were Dozer or Gauge.

I pulled up to the shelter and they were not open yet for another hour. I paced the front door, and finally saw someone inside. I knocked on the door; they did their best to try and ignore me. I was relentless. Finally, a lady came over and ask if she could help me. I explained to her the situation. She told me she would check to see if they could see the cat. I stood there for a few more minutes wondering if they turned me away, what would I do with this cat that was obviously dying.

Trying to hold back my tears I told myself at least I tried and I didn't just ignore it and leave it there outside. Finally the lady came back, she opened the door for me, asked me to come inside to fill out some paperwork. I did and then it was time to bring the kitty to its destination. It looked so sad in the carrier. It just laid there. Once a beautiful looking kitty now just wanting relief.

They took pictures of it and I signed a couple of pages. They scanned it and discovered that it had a microchip. I petted the cat one last time. The lady told me I could call to check on it.

But really...good or bad...I just don't want to know.

I had a busy day.

When I came home to my Gauge I discovered Dozer was missing. "Great now my cat is gone?" I called and called for at least ten minutes. No Dozer. He is on a routine that cat. I come down the drive way, he's in the yard and then on the deck begging to be let in at the sliding glass door. Every.Single.Damn. Day.
But not tonight. I got out the flash light and began calling him down the road. Twenty minutes went by and I was starting to think bad thoughts when out popped these two eyeballs, that came barreling down the driveway towards me. Fat belly swinging side to side. Yup fat bastard was on his way home from God only knows where. After what I went through today...I have come to the conclusion, that somewhere deep inside me...I still love Dozer. But don't tell him that.

"OH for peas and corn!"

2011-01-19T21:52:00.000-08:00

I say this saying a lot when wanting to swear like a trucker.

It's been a week of ups and downs. And it's only Wednesday! "Oh for peas and corn!"
The Owner ~~Satan who needs lifts in his shoes~~ decided that the company needed to be open later. Management thought they would have a one sided conversation about who would be working the later shift. Guess who was volunteered for that later shift? Oh yes, yours truly. THAT just doesn't work for me, my schedule, my life style and call what you will, it just doesn't fucking work for me- mmmmmkay?!!?

So myself and another coworker, who out ranks me on the totem pole, replied in the fact that more coverage was needed in the morning when we are at our busiest. Cause that makes the most sense right? (Apparently, the magic 8 ball was answering 'Reply hazy try again'. I'm just thinking there was just a haze in the office.) Anyways, I was not about to be working later than I already was, so I opted to change my schedule to work earlier and that in turn would release me from prison sooner. The lower minions on the totem pole agreed to work later and we solved our own scheduling issues with out management. (What are you here for again?)
So now my so-not-a-morning-person-punk-ass is getting up before the rooster does to get to ~~prison~~ work.

Today, someone very near and dear to me called to tell me that they got the all clear on a tumor they had found in their breast. I was shocked; my sense of mortality for this person hit me like a ton of bricks and I was so relieved to know they were going to be okay. It doesn't make me happy that something was found but the fact that it is not cancerous is a blessing. Her mother passed away from breast cancer so this is very scary. I am hoping this is our only scare.

Also today, Denali was not a well behaved horse on his walk. He is showing me that he can get an attitude and will try to push my buttons. Today I had to show him that I was the boss and not him. It broke my heart. This reminds me of when I was training Gauge and how mortified I was when the trainer brought out the pinch collar for him. Teaching Denali is a challenge because no one has payed attention to him in three to five years. He has that many years of bad habits to over come. And people can't understand why I'm not riding him yet? I am not an experienced rider to be getting on a horse of his caliber yet. Him and I are still learning each other. Our day will come and I'm plenty patient about it. Trust me, the ground hurts.

Ten minutes before my curfew. So I'm calling it quits on you. Night all. Those of you that have given me blog link advice I will look into this weekend when I have time to concentrate more! For now, you're all stuck with the winding road to no where.

Change is in the air...(and I don't just mean my birth sign)

2011-01-15T08:50:00.000-08:00

STOP! You haven't gone to the wrong place!

You've come to the right blog...I'm just cleaning things up a bit. I've been tired of the old look for some time, but just have not had the time really dink around with it.

I'm looking for the right lay out. Which of course-I haven't found yet. I took a peek at what Blogger had to offer today and was not really impressed.

What do you use to create fancy blogs with really cool picture headers etc.?

I could use some help. Por favor. I'm so not techy with html and blah blah. Hence, I can't get rid of one of my site trackers! HA HA.

THANK YOU!

What the fuck? One day I'm an Aquarius the next minute I'm a Capricorn? This sounds like a consiracy to me.

2011-01-14T23:18:00.000-08:00

Have you guys heard about this crap? You've either been upgraded or in my case downgraded in your Astrological birth sign. Read about the bullshit HERE

This is just nuts. I don't know about this crack pot idea...but I KNOW WHO I AM and I'm a Aquarius!

This is ALL ME!!!!!!!
Aquarius Strength Keywords:

- Witty (So true)

- Clever (Again very true)

- Humanitarian (Yes again.)

- Inventive Totally me.

- Original DUH

Aquarius Weakness Keywords:

- Stubborn (Again very true)

- Unemotional Maybe...true

- Sarcastic (You've read this blog, right?)

- Rebellious If you even knew.

- Aloof There are days I'm lucky the walls can't talk.

Aquarius and Independence:

Aquarius personality is very independent, any attempt to hold them down or restrict them will cause them, to flee. (No shit?) They need to be free to be on their own. Independence is not just desired by Aquarius, it is essential to their well being.

Aquarius and Friendship:

Beneath the detached, unemotional exterior lies a kind hearted friend that will go out of their way to help another. They love to make people laugh and cheer people up and it makes them feel good to make others feel good. They do not expect anything in return for this could put a damper on their freedom, they live with no strings attached. They are very unconventional and always full of excitement, an Aquarius friend always makes life fun. They might offer you a spontaneous last minute camping trip with no supplies prepared, if you decide to go along, you will have a weekend to remember forever!

Aquarius and Business:

Aquarius likes to do something useful with their lives, mixing that with their amazing way with people, they make excellent politicians and social workers/psychologists. They are progressive thinkers and are great at forming new ideologies and theories, any type of research is very suited to Aquarius. Aquarius one downfall in the business world is the attention to detail, they like the grand ideas and massive plans and can make them happen, but the mundane day to day repetitive details causes them to procrastinate. Aquarius needs a secretary. (Oh my god, so true!)

Aquarius and Temperament:

Aquarius tend to be rebels just for the sake of having their own way. Their stubbornness sometimes causes their failure, they will continue to do something their way even though others have proved it is wrong, they are very smart people and know it is wrong but they will continue just because it is their way, they are very fixed in opinion and stubborn when confronted. Despite their stubbornness and fixed opinion, they will never impose their ideas on others, they have respect for every body's differences.

Aquarius Deep Inside:

Aquarius are in search of wisdom, they are very observant and they can gather their information objectively because emotions do not get in the way, they seem to be above emotions altogether and when they speak, they speak the truth. Sometimes it may be shocking or painful because of their disregard for the feelings of others, but they intend no harm, they call it like they see it and do not emotions cloud their judgment, they are very detached from emotion. It is not that Aquarius are unemotional, they just to not trust their emotions so they incorporate them into their ideas of who they are. As a result, if someone does not agree with their ideas, Aquarius sometimes takes it personally, not as much as other zodiac signs however as Aquarius is intellect driven and not emotionally driven. Sometimes they wonder if there is something in life that they are missing because they do not feel like other people feel. This does not necessarily prevent them from being involved in intimate relationships, they are capable of this but the person on the other end will always notice an air of detachment from Aquarius. Aquarius wonders 'why?' so much that they can question their existence. They wonder if what they are doing is useful, they want other people to notice them and appreciate them, this is caused by underlying insecurities that wonder if other people accept them for who they are but these are never brought to the surface because to an Aquarius, it does not matter that much because they know that they are special.

Aquarius in a Nutshell:

Aquarius is the sign of visionaries, unconventionality and intellectual independence. Aquarius are the people who deviate from the crowd and go their own way. They are always after intellectual stimulation, constantly discovering something new, forming new opinions and stubbornly traveling their way regardless of what other people think. Aquarius are filled with paradoxes, they are interested in the opposite ends of the spectrum, they like to be alone yet are social butterflies, they like to experience both sides and see both opinions as they formulate new ideas with their forward thinking, active mind. Aquarius have a 'live and let live' policy where everyone is free to be themselves, an Aquarius never judges others because as human beings, we are all equal and entitled to our own opinions. They are verbally skilled and very witty, they observe people and learn how to interact with others through observation. They can be masters of manipulation justifying anything they do or think. As a result, they can deal with any type of personality and adapt to any situation. They welcome change because boredom is their enemy. Anything new is an opportunity to Aquarius. Aquarius can act as an expert on any topic, they are very good at inflating their own importance, they feel it is deserved because their eccentricity makes them unique. Conventional people beware, Aquarius likes to shock and deviate from the norm, this is how they live. Aquarius is known to pick at anyone they find weak or dull-minded. It is simply an easy target for verbal exercise for them, no harm is meant but it might be taken from the other person. Deep inside, Aquarius would never intentionally hurt anyone, they have respect for every human, even thought this might not seem apparent to the more emotional types.

What it's Like to Date a Aquarius Woman:

The Aquarius woman is the ultimate independent woman. She is funny, smart, adventurous, (The perfect catch!) never clingy or jealous, never demanding and not overly emotional. She is unpredictable and craves excitement. Anything goes with this woman and any man that she chooses will have an amazing relationship. Court her and woo her, she expects this ladylike treatment, she is old fashioned in that sense but be known that her mind is already made up and if she is not interested, she will never be interested. The relationship will progress slowly because she does not get emotionally involved very easily and she is not one for showy displays of romantic affection. The man who is trying to win her heart has to treat her with respect and treat her as an equal. Communication is key (Oh my god it's like an echo is in these pages from here to my mouth to God's ear!) , this is how a relationship with an Aquarius woman evolves. Once she trusts you and you two grow closer, she is an amazing loyal and kindhearted person. She will always seem to be detached, she fears losing her identity in a relationship so do not be surprised if even in a long term relationship she seems more like a fiend then a romantic partner. Do not press her emotionally or tie her down with demands and obligations because this will cause her to run. Never be jealous, this is a big red flag to her and she will leave right away, the Aquarius woman can never be tied down, she is free as a bird. If you give her all she needs, she will be completely faithful so you should not worry when she is out on her own, give her space and respect her privacy and all will be well. Aquarius woman is for the man who loves a challenge and adventure.

How to Attract Aquarius:

Communication is key. You must be able to stimulate their minds, engage in a friendly, witty verbal battle but do not expect to come to any conclusions, this is not the point. They crave the brain exercise. If you unable to keep up with the intellect and the unconventional ways that Aquarius is known for, you might want to look elsewhere. Aquarius needs communication compatibility more then anything else. Have variety in your dates, think of interesting things to do like a trip to the zoo, but if you can't think of any crazy idea, leave it up to Aquarius to make plans but do not be surprised if they change the plan in the middle, be flexible like them. They do not like naggers or complainers so keep the talk positive and all should be well.

Aquarius Erogenous Zone:

The calves and ankles are the most sensitive spots. (Yeah...this part really NOT true.) Most Aquarius like their ankles tied together or at least held down. (Okay seriously, I'm not a baby calf you're trying to take down, the fuck? Stay away from my ankles thank you very much.)They enjoy calf massages and light scratching with your fingernails on their ankles and legs. (This part is WAYYYY off.)

Sex With Aquarius:

Aquarius have a very imaginative approach to sex, they like creativity and novelty, they are not fond of not passion and an emotional sex. Sex to an Aquarius is a fun thing, expect to laugh and be silly, it's like a fun game between a couple. Anything goes with Aquarius, they like spontaneous encounters and quickies.

Now, read about a Capricorn...

Capricorn Strength Keywords:

responsible Oh my god since when?

patient Ha, ha.

ambitious True.

resourceful Google count?

loyal This part is true.

Capricorn Weakness Keywords:

dictatorial Not true

inhibited Not true
conceited Oh hell no.

distrusting Only on cheating bastards and bosses who act like scum bags.

unimaginative Shit, this imagination is on overdrive.

Capricorn and Independence:

Capricorns are very independent because they know their capabilities and therefore they rarely trust others to finish details, they like to do it all themselves. Nah, I'm good with help. Capricorn is the longer of all zodiac signs.

Capricorn and Friendship:

The Capricorn is the strong friend, they will always be there to help, they are very sympathetic, caring and helpful to a friend in need. A Capricorn will get someone back on their feet again with a steady plan for success and for all this, they expect nothing in return. The Capricorn friend is deep and mysterious (don't really feel that I'm mysterious...what you see is what you get) and full of intrigue, there always seems to be something going on in their mind.

Capricorn and Business:

The Capricorn personality is geared towards that of leadership and achievement, they always want to climb the corporate ladder and be the best they can be. ( I live for life not for work. So climbing the corporate ladder doesn't interest me. Leadership doesn't interest me either. ) Capricorns have excellent sense of time and manage it very well, they are excellent organizers. (I can multitask pretty well, but excellent organizers, yeah you should see my home office and desk at work.) Capricorns are very creative, not spontaneously creative but it is incorporated into their time management skills and their ideas for executing a plan. Capricorns make good, wise investments because they look at the long term and what will be the most beneficial down the road. (Let's be honest here, I fucking suck with money and have NO investments for the long term. And down the road? I'm just trying to make it down the hall!)

Capricorn and Temperament:

Capricorns might seem melancholy (This would mean I'm sad all the time? I'm not. So this is a false) and stern because they live by self-discipline and responsibility. (There's that "R" Word again...gives me the willies)They evaluate everything and they don't take daring chances without weighing the advantages and disadvantages first. To the onlooker, they might seem boring but it is the serious drive and structured way of life that the Capricorn feels safe with. Capricorn's self-sufficiency is often mistook for coldness, they are not as cold as they seem, this might be apparent just because Capricorns like to do everything themselves this way there is no worry about something not finished or not done properly. It is all about control of their surroundings and their daily lives and sometimes this spills into other people's lives. They believe they can give structure and organize other people's lives too, which they can but others might see this as intrusive and not welcome the Capricorn's suggested changes. According to Capricorn, there is only a right way and a wrong way to do things and this idea makes some Capricorns closed minded, stubborn and reluctant to agree with others. (I've always been open to constructive criticism and other ways so this doesn't work either)This is an ongoing lesson for Capricorns, knowing that there is more then one way of doing things and even though their way is usually right, it does not mean that they have to impose their ways on others.

Capricorn Deep Inside:

Capricorns have this sense of melancholy and necessity for structure and work because inside they feel they are unworthy and need to continuously prove their worth. Once they realize that all they need is self-love, door will open and they will see the world in a new light, one that allows for pleasure and guilt-free fun. Capricorns most important need is security, financial and material security. This is the driving force behind their ambitious character and all other personality traits of desire to succeed. They are very concerned with their public standing and their prestige. Capricorns are loners but they also need to feel appreciated, but they are excellent at hiding this truth. Capricorns are very self contained and they have many faces they present to the world, they are known as aloof and indifferent but this is them concealing themselves from the world, unfortunately, they may never know who they really are. This causes feelings of insecurity and causes them to question their own self worth. Capricorns make it difficult to get close emotionally because once they let someone in, they do not want to let them go and emotional connection makes them feel vulnerable yet satisfied at he same time. This is an ongoing internal conflict of contradictions inside the Capricorn's mind.

Capricorn in a Nutshell:

Capricorns are very ambitious people, they always have something they are pursuing and they want their lives to be fulfilled and important. Capricorns are extremely patient(I'm so not patient) and will wait a long time for something they want, when the opportunity arises, they will plan their steps carefully to others, they might appear hesitant but this is not true, they know that there is only one chance to succeed and they are filing together their information to take the proper steps to accomplish their goal with flying colors, not just second rate. Capricorns have a very active mind and strong powers of concentration. Capricorns like being in control of their surroundings and everyone in their life. Capricorns are very cautious but this only to survey the situation before leaping in, they will never make a hasty jump in. They accept change but introduce it slowly so they can get used to it and incorporate it into their life. Capricorns tend to see life in black or white, definitive's only. There are no gray areas for these are areas that are not understood and this makes Capricorn feel uncomfortable. They tend to be in control in a romantic relationship that way they are never vulnerable to another person

What it's Like to Date a Capricorn Woman:

Deep inside, she is romantic and loving but it takes the right man to expose this. On the outside, she may seem like she does not care much for love. The Capricorn woman is perfect for the man who likes a challenge. It will take time to get closer to her, never make her rush into a relationship. Be patient because she is. Capricorn woman is very classy, upscale woman. You have to woo her and court her like a lady. Shower her with nice gifts (but not too expensive, she is a very conservative spender and expects you to be also). She will dominate and control the relationship but in her intriguing subtle way, let her take the lead, she won't steer you wrong! She will lead the relationship in the right direction because she is smart and practical. She will offer you a long lasting, real, loyal relationship with all the right ingredients for happiness.

How to Attract Capricorn:

make them laugh, they tend to be melancholy(I AM NOT SAD ALL THE FUCKING TIME! ) so anyone who can make them laugh is appreciated. Talk about anything but do not pry into their emotions. They do mind listening to yours however. When Capricorn feels safe, they will let some of their cat out of the bag. Talk about serious topics, things that matter and avoid unconventionality, they are very conventional people and do not like shock-topics. They like to be connected to on an intellectual level. They like gifts, not gaudy and expensive but practical and useful. Keep it high class, they do not like second-rate gifts, or dates for that matter. Plan an upscale date to a art gallery, theater or fancy restaurant. (Huh-what?I'm so confused...) Never be late. Capricorns are very punctual and live by a schedule and they do not like to be kept waiting, it shows irresponsibility. Be patient with Capricorn, underneath that aloof, indifferent outside lies a physical, passionate loyal person that will come out when the time is right, once you have proven yourself.

Capricorn Erogenous Zone:

The legs and especially the knees are very sensitive. Lightly tickle the backs of Capricorn's knees and this will get them giggling with excitement and initiate foreplay. (What's with the fucking legs?! It's actually my lower back! Can't you writers get anything straight!)

Sex With Capricorn:

Capricorns have stamina, lots of it. (Energizer Bunny? Good Lord.)They like nice, classy surroundings and a comfortable atmosphere. In the bedroom, they will last all night and want some more. They are very physical and good at what they can do. Do not expect any creative or zany positions, but expect it to be good.

Now how does all of that sound? I think I'm just going to ignore it. Because if I don't give it life it doesn't exsist, right? I still think it's bullshit though.

What are YOUR THOUGHTS? COMMENTS?

Boyfriend is earning some serious brownie points

2011-01-13T20:46:00.000-08:00

I came home tonight to these! Let me just tell you; flowers are things that cost money and die...therefore, I NEVER get flowers.

What's the occasion for this you ask? IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS THINKING ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop the Press!

Honestly, it doesn't matter the reason why...he was out and thought about me and gave me flowers!!! I'm so delighted! I'm so happy!

The hugs, the kisses! I know, mushy stuff you don't want to hear.

I love him and he loves me. He's not perfect and neither am I. But we sure try to make this work.

It's snowing...it's cold...

2011-01-11T22:37:00.000-08:00

And I hope I get snowed in for a week. I never want to go back to that hell hole I call W-O-R-K ever again.

Inside me is my inner fat girl trying to get out...

2011-01-10T22:33:00.000-08:00

When I got married, yeah back in 1998. I was really thin. Well duh, I was like a year out of high school! After getting married I gained along with my scumbag husband, 50 pounds. I didn't own a scale so I didn't actually know how much I weighed, but I knew my clothes stopped fitting and I had to buy bigger sizes. I didn't really think of myself as a fat girl, or a big girl.

It wasn't until I started not feeling well that I went to the doctors and stepped on the scale, it read 179 pounds! I about fell over dead right there, I remember turning to the nurse and asking her if she was sure. She smiled and nodded. Bitch. I take that back. Skinny bitch.

The doctor told me after my test results came in that I was boarder line diabetic and that I was in some serious danger. It was a wake up call for me and I joined Weight Watchers. I lost twenty five-thirty pounds.

I kept it off for a year.

Then I gained twenty of it back.

I roller coasted up and down for years.

Until 2008 I did a life change and began loosing weight. By 2009 I was three pounds shy of my goal weight! A goal I set for myself many times over but never came that close to achieving. I was looking good at my friends wedding.

Then that's when I had to go on the birth control again and it messed me up. I got off those, had my surgery hoping my body would correct itself. It did not. I worked out, I ate well...I couldn't lose the pounds like I could the year before. I tried fat burners, those failed.

And then, my fucking knee injury. Six months of pain and pure pain in my ~~ass~~ knee. Laying around trying to get my knee to heal with out having surgery has caused me to gain weight. It has caused me to get lazy with my eating habits. It has caused me to forget the healthy, thin person I once was and now...my inner fat girl is trying to take over again.

I know I have a problem with food. I love food! I'm part Italian and Russian! WE LOVE TO EAT! But I just can't use food as way to make me feel good. And I know that is what I feel...."Oh I'll have seconds, because it tastes so good." Not saying no, because I'm just full. Where is my strength where did it go?

I take Denali for long walks, because he's a fat horse. We're both fat. I know I feel good afterwards. My knee doesn't hurt me like it did-but it still lets me know its still there. And I guess I'm timid to do anything strenuous with it for fear of injuring it for a third time!

Oh give me chains and locks to put on the fridge and the pantry! Throw away the key! I need to snap out of this funk, this rut and tell the fat girl to pack her overflowing baggage and leave. She has over stayed her welcome!

I checked into Jenny Craig-too expensive!
Weight Watchers is looking tempting....
Wish I could afford that personal trainer. One that would haul my sorry fat ass out of bed in the morning for a run and one that would force me to work out at night and eat right.

I need to find my motivation.

My health depends on it...going to be 32 in 20 days.
I'm getting older faster than I can make improvements.

The Adventures of Denali Part 1

2011-01-08T00:21:00.000-08:00

Denali and his buddies escaped the pasture today. I got the blame for it, naturally. I called Boyfriend this afternoon to tell him-something, and he answers all in a frustrated, panic, and pissed off combination.
"Your horses are out!"
Let's get one thing straight...I only have ONE horse. He chooses to rent pasture out to some lady and her three neurotic horses.
"I can't get them back in!"
I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. I mean, he's supposed to be the superior tractor driver and all, but he can't figure out how to get four horses back in a pasture? I digress.
I told him the oldest trick I knew; the one my momma taught me when we had cattle get out; you find a coffee can and some rocks-in this case it was the grain bucket and some gravel, and you go out in the pasture and you rattle it, those horses will come.

Sure enough, 3 out of the 4 did, Denali was one of them. He is thoroughly food motivated. He is becoming a spoiled horse (See his fancy blanket?)

Boyfriend managed to get the 4th horse in the corral and I had to stop there on my way home to put a halter on him and lead him out to the pasture. I still couldn't help but chuckle.

Welcome to owning a Farm honey.

Denali was happy to see me and got a carrot; even though he was bad by getting out. However, I was watching the news tonight and discovered that there was a small earthquake just outside of where they are kept. It's possible the horses sensed the quake and rushed the weaker gate, however that could be a stretch.

One thing about having Denali now, is that he is a really big stress reliever for me. He calms me. I love him for that.

The BEST-est YUMMIEST, Drink, since...well, when I turned 21 and had my first Blue Hawaiian that was OMFG 10 years ago! ANYWAYS

2011-01-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

I know I could be a little late to the party...

However, I got introduced to the most taste bud pleasing drink EVER on Christmas Eve.

Add some Whip Cream Vodka to a glass of ice....

Oh yeah baby I said Whip Cream Vodka, and yes it is very, very, oh yeah better than a spray can tasty!

Then over your ice and Whip Cream Vodka you finish it off with some of the pizazz!

Uh huh...you add some Orange Soda to the mixture. It is SOOOOO GOOD! It's like a Creamsicle! It's so delicious. Goes down fast so watch your intake!

This new drink is now one of my new Must Haves!

If you try it, tell me if you like it!

CHEERS!

Current debate between the boyfriend and I:

2011-01-01T09:56:00.000-08:00

Right now there seems to be some argument on who is the better tractor operator.

I really think it's me. (Of course I do).

This is not me of course, but I thought this was fitting to my personality. I can be the beauty queen

or the farm girl. So bite me.

And here is why.

I grew up on a farm. I spent quite a few hours on a fucking tractor!

One of the first things I learned to drive was a tractor.

All those punishments of picking up rocks and sticks, I used a tractor to move the bucket load of rocks to my ginormous pile.

I watched my dad a lot...and young people-even though we don't act like we're paying attention, often learn from example. DUH

And finally, because I'm bad ass.

And here is why I don't think boyfriend is so nifty with a tractor.

He grew up surfing.

He grew up doing boy stuff. (This does not include any sort of farm operations)

Yeah he says he is a quick learner and "can do anything...blah blah blah"

Seriously, I really think there is no debate.

And still, he won't let me on his John Deer Tractor to get some work done around the barn. I'm waiting for him to start pounding his chest, "Me Tarzan, You Jane" next.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2010-12-31T22:04:00.000-08:00

Tonight I made chicken parmesan for the first time for boyfriend and I. We drank an entire bottle of Lambrusco to go with it. It was very yummy. I couldn't decide on what recipe to use so I just read a bunch of them and came up with one on my own.

Afterwards we sat down and watched the HBO special of Bette Midler performing Live at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. Of course I cried my eyes out when she performed 'Wind Beneath My Wings'. Bummed a little because this was her last show in Vegas and I never got the chance to see it there. Oh well...

Needing to step things up a bit, we sat around the kitchen table and played a game of Mexican Train. The domino game. It was a loooooong game, but in the end I kicked boyfriends train back to the station! We decided that we would cook dinner for my grandparents tomorrow night. They haven't had dinner over at my house in ages. And I would like to have them over while the house is still decorated for Christmas.

Well here it is, 10pm and boyfriend is now sound asleep next to me. I knew he wouldn't make it until midnight. He never does! But not before I played a trick on him. I told him just before he went to sleep that I put a license plate frame on his truck that reads, "Princess" just before Christmas, and how I just can't believe he hasn't noticed it yet! Tee hee, ha ha hBWAHAHAHAHAHH

There is no such frame.

He totally believes there to be one. And funny thing is, he's not driving his truck tonight so he won't know until he goes home! The look on his face was priceless.

Well goodbye 2010. I guess you will be missed. Please bring in 2011 for a good year. I hope for good health, happiness, wealth and for the love of God, please someone buy my fucking house!

That's is all.

Good night.

Zap out complextion worries with my new favorite thing!

2010-12-31T06:36:00.000-08:00

I would have thought by now I would have clear perfect skin; what a lie. It's something I really have to work hard at. Thank you genes.

However, for around $6.50 you can pick up a 4.2 oz bottle of this cleanser that actually works. Made with green tea and cucumber, it has a refreshing feel to it once applied to your face and the microbeads exfoliate. The best part: This product has not caused me to have further breakouts or over-drying!!!!

Making this one of my new favorite beauty products.

A Gift from a cross the miles...made for a perfect ending to a really craptastic day.

2010-12-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

Monday-back to work after a three day holiday weekend. I knew it was going to just suck, but I wasn't prepared for the shit storm that awaited me.

Sadly one of my co-workers lost a family member on Christmas eve and will not be back to work the rest of the week. I felt so horrible for them. I could relate and couldn't believe they even came to work for bit. Once I got settled and realized I was running the ship up front by myself; I had a few hours of pure panic mode and 'where the hell am I?' moments. I tried to get to everything I could but the day just seem to stack more and more crap on me. Finally it was time to go home!

I got a really delightful surprise when I came home; inside my mail box was a brown box from one of my DC (Deadliest Catch) girlfriends! I did a little jig at the mailbox and hurried back to the car to race down to my house to open the box. (This girl is not shy about getting something good in the mailbox besides a bill!) I ran into the house, tossed some food in Gauges bowl and tore open the box to find the most lovely surprise to end my craptastic day!

Inside was the most delicious candy and the cutest lighthouse tin! Totally unexpected and totally appreciated!

It was AWESOME! AWESOME!

Who would have thought that this year while standing in a line, destiny would bring me three very good friends!

I have to hit Publish Post now, because I need to go back and get another piece of candy....later!

Reflection and sure I want you to have a good Christmas

2010-12-24T08:57:00.000-08:00

This is moi, a year ago. Down town...trying to be happy. Boyfriend and I just broke up and it was horrible. Yeah I know...for you newbies here...right before Christmas. It was not so fanfreakingtastic. Really, it was mostly my fault...but why dwell on the past. If you want you can go back and read about it. My point is, I'm thinking about how far I've come in a year.

Well...I'm fatter this year. (So much for Pink being my inspiration for 2010.)
I chopped my hair off.
I traveled a lot this year and had a bitchin time.
Made new friends...you gals know who you are.
Crossed some things off the bucket list.
Bought a new lap top.
Got a raise. (Not so sure if I like the job)
Had a life long dream come true by getting a horse!
I'm still with the man I love.
I think I'm still healthy.
I still have members of my family.

So all and all, it's been a good year.

I'm sitting here this morning on Christmas Eve. Drinking my coffee, counting my blessings. Getting ready to go pick up boyfriends last minute gift that my dad is helping me with. (It's a chain saw) Then I'm off to treat myself to a pedicure and manicure. I got my Christmas bonus yesterday. I was stressing all week about it. The new owner (who is the Grinch, I swear he should be green) only gave us half of what we normally received. The old owner stepped up and matched what Grinch gave us! So, I got my full Christmas bonus!!! PHEW! I really miss my old boss. Even though he was a dirty old man at times, he really took care of us as employees and he cared about us. Our new boss, he doesn't care. Am I looking for something new? Not yet, but is it in the back of my mind? Does a bear shit in the woods?!?!

My wishes for 2011:

SELL MY HOUSE ---that's number one!

Find some more happiness and less stress so I am able to save more money.

Ride Denali a lot!

Oh yeah, and trim some fat.

I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas! May all your dreams come true!

A Christmas message from Gauge

2010-12-19T12:30:00.000-08:00

Look, my mom put me in this dorky hat so I better have your undivided attention. She does this to me every year; I don't know where she hides the rotten thing or I'd just rip it to pieces and then just blame it on that fat bastard cat. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah...

Between my naps and chasing my tail- that I swear one day I am going to catch that sneaky thing, I got to thinking about all the other fur kiddos out in the world that don't have it as good as I do. Granted the hat thing still pisses me off, but I'm willing to forgive her. Now I heard on Animal Planet the other day, (yes sometimes I do watch TV) that people are buying baby animals for pets at Christmas time instead of checking out their local animal shelter! First of all, I can't imagine being in one of those places. But Dozer, aka fat bastard cat, tells me that he got picked up in cat trap once when mom lived in apartment and it took her four days to rescue you him! He said it was horrible to be locked up in some cage with everyone crying wanting to go home! This just makes me sad.

So listen up humans, before you go buying someone new, check out your local animal shelter first!

Last night I got to meet my new brother; he's a rescue from an animal shelter. Mom was not really expecting him but her boyfriend got him for them. His name is Buddy. He got his balls chopped off and I couldn't help but laugh at him for it. Just because he's bigger doesn't mean he's tougher.

Anyways, that's just my short man ego talking.

As you can see I let my mom know how I felt about this hat thing. I hope she finally takes the hint.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, don't forget to leave treats for your fur friends under the Christmas Tree!

Merry Christmas!

Sad News in Astoria Oregon: My favorite Cafe burned down last night

2010-12-17T20:53:00.000-08:00

Anybody remember this? The commercial fisherman's festival back in September, I took a trip out to Astoria with my girlfriends from Catch Con and we found the Cannery Cafe located right on the water front with the best food ever, great atmosphere, and biscuits to die for!

Sadly, it's all gone.

I hope the owner is able to rebuild. Please rebuild. You had a jewel.

Anyways, you can read an article and see pictures of the fire damage HERE

Make a bad day into a good one...it's not as hard as you would think.

2010-12-16T21:52:00.000-08:00

So yeah...this is me and my Spanish ~~fiend~~ friend, Patron. Him and I got kind of cozy last Friday night.

Anyways, my point being was or is....ah hmmm, the bad days I have been having I have been treating myself to a little night cap. This sort of behavior is completely out of my personality. And quite frankly I'm ashamed. You know the saying, "This is going to drive me to drink!" Well...yeah. It's happened.

I'm not saying I think I'm an alcoholic, no..I just think that I need to find other ways to relax or make myself feel good when having a bad day. Not turn to food or drink. (It's giving me a double chin...see!)

So after a craptastic week. I decided I needed to do one good deed before going home. I wasn't sure what that good deed would be but I would just let the situation present itself.

Well, my meeting with my boss, the Tasmanian devil, ran long and I didn't leave the office until almost 6. I still had to stop at Costco and get my pictures dropped off at one hour photo. After my chore was done, my stomach starting bickering at me for some nourishment. Time for some food! I ended up stopping at a Denny's by my house. Grabbing a newspaper I asked the waitress to seat me somewhere quiet and she put me in the perfect little corner. She was so cheery and smiled; her smile couldn't help but make me smile over the lousy food menu. She was prompt and really went about her job as if it really mattered to her. It got me thinking back to the days that I was a waitress, slinging cheap food and standing all those long hours for pennies on the dollar. When my $12 bill came, I asked her if she would just take my card and run it, she said she couldn't that I had to sign it but she would be glad to take everything up front for me. Because waiting around was not something I wanted to do up at the hostess station and I think she picked up on that. When she brought it back to me, I brought the total down and my $12 bill became a $22 bill. She did a double take and said, "OH thank you so much! Merry Christmas!" with her big smile. It melted me, and the troubles of my day seemed to fade as I smiled back, "Merry Christmas." and then walked away from my middle aged waitress.

A good deed. Sure, it made me feel good to give. It was more satisfying than drinking or eating. Giving back to someone else was way more fulfilling.

I encourage any of you, to go out and do a good deed this holiday season, but not just because it's Christmas, try to do good deeds throughout your everyday life.

PS. I'm loving the fact that my badass lap top is picking up someone's unsecured wireless internet connection! Thank you! Thank you!

Words cannot express how messed up I feel right now.

2010-12-15T22:10:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm counting myself lucky on a few levels. One...that someone near me has their wireless router unsecured and I'm able to steal their internet...thank you very much. Two...that today when I was pulled over by the cop for speeding that my quick wit kept me from getting said speeding ticket. And three that well...okay three just isn't coming to me.

A lot has been happening lately. A LOT. Work has been really tough. I would bore you all about that...but this afternoon one of my worst fears was realized when I got a phone call I never dreamed would happen.

Someone (a traitor who has yet to be outed) gave my ex husband my cell phone number and he called me while I was at work!!!

!!!!!!!

I KNOW!

I freaked out.

When I realized it was him on the other side I yelled into the phone, "How did you get this number?!" And I attempted to end the call when he pleaded with me to just hear him out. I told him I owed him nothing. He wanted to call me and apologize for all the horrible things he said and did.

An apology about five years to late.

A few years ago I would have wanted that apology but now...I loathe that person he is. I told him I hated him and I never wanted to see him or have anything to do with him. He said he couldn't blame me for that and that I had every right to feel that way. He destroyed the very best thing he ever had and he will have to live with it. I admit hearing him say that made me cry. He never expressed his feelings to me before and to hear him say, "I never knew what I had until it was gone." made me feel like I he finally had his eyes open to the world. Of course I threw it in his face that his mistress didn't wait for him and he said he regrets letting her ruin his life and mine. I told him I have never been happier since being divorced from him. He said he couldn't believe that. I told him to believe it. He asked how and I said because I don't have to second guess my life any longer, I don't have to worry about the lies any more. Why do you think I change my last name back? He said he would give me that and he understood.
He promised not to hurt me, not to come near me. That he would never hurt a hair on my head. I reminded him about the times he threatened to burn the house down with me inside of it. He said he was sorry for saying that, that he was sick and not right back then and under a lot of stress. (Like I wasn't?) He begged me not to turn this call into the police. He didn't want to go back to jail. I asked for the name of the person who gave him my number and he refused to give it up. I said, is a promise to this person more important than you going to jail and he said it was.
He said he was sorry so many times. And that he wished I forgive him and let him see me and Gauge and I told him no. We were divorced finished and he needed to move on with his life. He said that he still loved me and would take me back in heart beat. I told him he didn't want me...that I can't have kids and I know he wants kids. I could hear the air leave his lungs upon hearing that news.

He promised not to call again, write or come near me. But I can't trust anything he says. I've heard so many stories from him before that even though it sounds good now...it could just be another line.

If I don't put down boundaries now...he could end up at my door or worse in my house when I'm not home.

The Sheriff called about forty five minutes ago...they have him in custody.

There are a lot of emotions running through my head...do I feel bad. Yes and no. He made the decision to call and take the risk. I feel bad for having to be the one to send him back to jail when he just got out. Do I think this might teach him a lesson now?

Oh God I hope so.

Need a Christmas Gift for Your Man...Check this Out...You're welcome.

2010-12-09T15:19:00.000-08:00

One of the guys I work with told me about this. He told me it was the best thing he ever did for himself. (Vanity speaking) He called it the Perfect Shave. Really, I look at shaving to be a chore; can you imagine ladies having to shave your face?

This I think would make some guys very happy...take a peek HERE

PS. I know I have been missed on here...I have gotten your messages and requests...I hear you! But I still have no Internet at home; Loving the new lap top. Just currently shopping for a cheaper Internet provider. You'll see more of me in January I promise!

Freaking SNOW!

2010-11-22T12:03:00.000-08:00

So it has started to snow here this morning-and of course that makes a lot of challenges on the roads. When I came into work this morning the parking lot was bare. So not the case now. I'm watching the news at work and the freeway is a mess up towards my house. Boyfriend called to tell me that I was safer to stay at work. However, I still have to get home tonight!

Weatherman is now calling for high winds-can it get any worse? Wait don't answer that!

FEAR KNOT!

2010-11-19T15:55:00.000-08:00

Today I said fuck it and ordered a new lap top from Dell. I was approved instantly and got the Black Friday deal on a beautiful new RED lap top!

It will be here on December 7th.

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to moi.

The blogging will continue...Bawahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

Good Morning!

2010-11-10T07:44:00.001-08:00

Meet My Horse!

2010-11-08T15:44:00.000-08:00

That's right! I've gone Country on you! This is...well...he needs a new name. I'm toying with a couple of names but if you have any suggestions I would be willing to hear them.

He is very friendly, super calm and super sweet. Very much interested in getting attention.

I have not ridden him yet, because we don't know much about him (he was abandoned on boyfriend's property) one of my friends who has horses is mentoring me and we are going to work with him in the spring to see how he does. This weekend I took him for a couple of walks and brushed him.

Having a horse is one of my childhood dreams come true! I am so happy and just wished he lived with me!

This Week's Recap: In case you care.

2010-11-04T16:22:00.000-07:00

Work is driving me insane. Where I used to enjoy my work day, I now loath it with a passion one can only describe as being devoted to the subject.

A project of having the office buildings roof redone fell into my lap and it has been my project since May. It has now grown into a monster that should have been just a small cute little squirrel.

Tuesday night I got invited over to a friend’s house for dinner and I brought the wine. Her husband is working nights so we just ate and drank, told stories. What a good time we had! I highly recommend Red Diamond’s 2008 Chardonnay chilled. It goes down great! That same evening I was reflecting on something’s and discovered that I have been living in my little house for seven years this fall. Five of those years have been by myself. It shocked me how much time has gone by. It also made me a little melancholy that I would someday be leaving my ‘home’. This being the longest place I have lived since moving out of my parent’s house in 1997.

I would have never thought five years ago that I could live by myself, but here I am doing it and not thinking twice about it really. I do most of everything without much help. However, there are times when the harder stuff does require help from boyfriend or the dad.

Wednesday Washington was blessed with sunshine and warm weather; I managed to get some yard work done. It was way over due. Gauge romped in the yard until the sun dipped down behind the trees; he then became a little bulldoggy popsicle. I stopped mowing the grass to bring him inside were he retreated to his bed. I finished my mowing and then returned the mower back to my neighbor. She was making a casserole; which the ingredients included everything but the kitchen sink. I kept her son occupied while we figured out how to concoct the casserole. Then I headed back home to watch Iron Man 2. I actually really enjoyed the movie. If you like quick wit and action it’s good. And I did wait until the end of the movie credits for the sneak peek at the end, but not being a Marvel comic fanatic I had no idea what was happening.

Today has been blah. I’m training my replacement as assistant for the CFO. A little sad, but they needed someone that had an accounting background which I do not possess. I did get a promotion sort of awhile back and will finally start training for that position next week.

The weekend holds no promises but paying bills and grocery shopping. My life is unsettled as some stress creeps into my life. It brings me wild and crazy dreams at night and three days last week I worked in my sleep.

I’m losing my focus. Could it be the weather? Could it be the holidays coming up? I’m not sure. But the force is gone. I’ve lost it. Yoda would be disappointed.

I guess all I can do is try. Funny…I don’t really feel like it.

Knee Injury Be Damned!

2010-10-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I decided that I've had enough being gimpy & frumpy. I came home from work and took Gauge for our first Fall walk. He was a little out of shape himself-that made two of us. I was a little bummed I left the camera at home, so you will have to make do with a picture from last years first Fall walk.

Today is the same feeling. I'm so over this injury. I'm feeling better-can get around better. There is still some minor pain but enough is enough. I've had it. Time to get some exercise and start moving. No brace today and I'm wearing my cute boots that have been sitting in my closet taunting me.

Three months is long enough! My life beckons me...

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I didn't raise a farm dog

2010-10-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

To continue with my weekend adventure at boyfriends ranch...

Last night in the middle of the raging storm, Gauge decides that he MUST GO OUT NOW. It was something like one or two am. Completely out of it and stumbling outside in the gale winds I bundle up and take my precious little bulldog to pee.

I would have thought this would have been an easy task since, most of the time Gauge thinks he will melt in the rain. However, combine all the new smells and a some what new location, well it's just an adventure waiting to happen!

Before I really knew what was happening Gauge slips out of the yard and under the fence into the pasture with the horses and starts chasing them. Yes, he is chasing four extremely pissed off horses. That was enough to wake me up real fast.

Now back in the day English bulldogs were bred for bull baiting so it's in their nature to chase and herd, however Gauge has no idea what a large horse kicking the shit out him will really do to his ego or my pocket book.

Outfitted in my pink polka dot pajama's, my Uggs and my parka I head off into the dark pasture to go rescue my ~~stupid~~ dog.

What I don't think Gauge anticipated was the tables being turned on him; every time he tried to come back to the gate the horses charged for him. In turn causing them to move further out into the dark pasture.

Two thoughts occurred to me, okay actually three as I sit here and remember....

I hope one of the horses doesn't kick his ass before I get to him.
I really hope one of those horses doesn't kick my ass.
If I step in horse shit in my Ugg's he won't have to worry about the horse kicking his ass...

I made my way over to him and the horses backed off. Gauge looked happy to see me, as we made our way back to the gate boyfriend's horse followed me, but I think he was just curious.

Thankfully none of the three things happened and we made our way back to bed. I learned that Gauge will just have to be on a leash around here until he learns other wise.

I can't really portray to you in words the fear I felt deep in my bones as those four horses stomped and kicked around him. Never again will I let that happen to him.

Gettin my "Spook" on...

2010-10-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

Currently held up for the night, ~~taken as a hostage~~ at the boyfriends ranch for some R & R. However, I spent most of the day helping out a friend who is throwing a huge Halloween party next Saturday. This will be boyfriend and mine's first Halloween bash together and I'm really looking forward to it!

So my friend and I spent the entire afternoon making the most authentic looking Tombstone's.

It started off with us taking a trip in the truck to the hardware store to buy this giant long piece of styrofoam, some spray paint, a trip to Starbucks and then it was back to her house to begin getting our artistic sides in action.

With a little help of the internet and some power tools from the garage we spent the next four and half hours making five tombstones each custom designed with different sayings engraved into them. After the paint was applied we stood back and looked at our work-we had some spook-tac-u-lar tombstones that are going to look great in her haunted graveyard.

Tomorrow I will go back to help her finish decorating.

Speaking of spooky we are having a Fall storm. It's raining and getting very windy out. Gauge is snoring at my feet and I kind of miss home; but boyfriend made the most delicious BBQ ribs tonight. Who could say no to that?

I know I didn't tell you what we were going as for the party...it was pretty hard to figure it out. Money was an issue for me. I almost decided to go as the Bride of Frankenstein, but then I wanted to be comfortable and not have to trip over a dress all night. So...I decided that we should go as Hobo's! I found some stuff, my dad donated some stuff and boyfriend had some stuff and well-it is going to work out great!

I can't wait to go, I think going to a party is just what I need. A little fun and excitement. What will be even more fun is that I helped contribute and that always makes me feel good to help.

Are any of you going to be getting your Spook On for Halloween?

Say it with me, "No more Taco Bell".

2010-10-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah it's true I have been eating the most unhealthiest of choices lately. I think the depression of my injury and the lack of interest in seeing the zeal for life as I once knew it has made me just not give a shit lately about what I do.

Until early this morning when I quite literally was giving a shit.

I have never known such misery.

I am so anti Taco Bell now.

Actually I'm so anti fast food again. Sigh.

I feel gross again-it's time to eat healthy and hopefully my knee will heal up soon-then it's time to go back to the gym.

But take my advice...stay away from Taco Bell, it will kill you.

One year and a lesson in life: Reason # 6,800,371 that I have SNTB's

2010-10-15T16:30:00.001-07:00

So it’s been one year since my tubal ligation surgery; can you believe how fast time flies? I sure can’t. Anyways, since the surgery I can say that I am so glad that I went through with it. I have not had one single day that I have had regrets about my decision. I know I made the right choice for me and my body.
I still get the weird questions and the odd looks if the subject does come up if when I say I don’t and can’t have kids. But I’ve stopped being offended and look at it as it’s those people’s problem for not being more open minded to another way of life. In a way I feel sorry for them for being so closed off to other ideas.

One of my friends who is very career driven is struggling right now on when to start a family. She just hit the 31 mark and I think she is getting the pressure from her family and friends as to when and if not why she hasn’t started a family yet. Even though she has only been married roughly a little over a year. Because I know her very well, I know she isn’t quite ready…but because she doesn’t like to ever admit she’s in the wrong, she’s trying to justify to me the actions of ‘maybe I should start a family in one year’. I asked her why and when I got a million of excuses that were just that…excuses. I told her plain and simple, you’re not ready. Followed by when you’re ready, you’ll know. She countered with saying that having a baby will make her husband more grounded. Let me tell you how flabbergasted I was with that statement.

Ladies, please listen to me when I say this: Having babies does not make a marriage better. Ever. Especially in this day and age. Having babies does not fix a marriage that might already have “issues”. So if you go into bringing a child into this world under that pretense, you’re already doing yourself, your partner and that innocent child a world of injustice. Because once you have a baby you’re a parent until the day you die.

KARMA is a bitch...

2010-10-14T16:22:00.000-07:00

I'd like you all to meet Deanna...she's was my husband's mistress. Time to make your world debut sweet cheeks...

I'm not sure what she's doing these days...or whose husband she's sleeping with now...but from what I hear...when she found out I took my ex for everything she left him like the trash he is. Too bad, I kind of think they deserve each other...

Please note the drawn on eyebrows and the gold plated dog collar. Thank you. Enough said.

I love Facebook.

2010-10-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

I laugh everytime I pass this sign.

Rainy Sunday

2010-10-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

Fall is here in force; wind, rain- the leaves are falling, goodbye the lazy days of summer.

I have managed to grab some computer time at boyfriends house today and I'm just going through some pictures.

Last weekend was actually a beautiful weekend and we managed to seize it by spending the afternoon out on the boat with some friends. We headed over to one of our favorite spots, Langley, on Whidbey Island. Once we arrived we found out it was October Fest. We took part by walking around the little town taking in some of the sites.

There was music put on by the local Lions Club. Which everyone was enjoying with their beer and sausages.

A local artist was demonstrating glass blowing and for $55 you could actually learn how to do it from him. It was really amazing to watch how it's done.

We walked around the whole town. I ended up buying a really cute handbag from a local store to store all my crap in.

After our legs were tired and our belly's demanding our attention we came back to our boat to fire up our BBQ for some kabobs and our own beer. We feasted on chicken, shrimp, pineapple and peach kabobs brought by our guests. It was delicious! Around 5pm I had to remind the "Captain" that we really needed to put her into the wind because it wasn't summer and at 7pm it's dark. After a little moaning and complaining we got underway with me at the helm the whole way home until it came time to dock.

And true to my words at 7pm it was dark.

HOT OFF THE PRESS! DEADLIEST CATCH

2010-10-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

Happy ending? Or beginning for this season?

Read it here!

That's right...the boys are back in town...and on our TV's.

30 and Starting Over

Holy Crap-where does the time go?

Merry Christmas!

I can't sleep...don't worry Gauge is doing the sleeping for both of us.

Lost picture of me riding Denali found!

I have been found....please cancel the APB...

I'm sorry...it's been a long time hasn't it...

Tonight we be Fire Fighting...

Gauge Update numero dos

A peaceful moment on Friday

Gauge update

Tomorrow is a hard day for this fur-kid mommy

Kayaking with friends

Okay so let's play catch up....

Life in a nut shell

Gauge after his surgery

Update on Gauge

I never thought I'd have to deal with this...

In search of Summer....

I would like you to meet Curious Georgia

Current Temperatures...do you see Washington?

So I'm a little stressed out...just a little.

Just call me "Lefty"

4th of July weekend recap

A Gift from the Far Out

Crab yum...

Heaven in a bag!

Whose a big sleepy head?

Denali is feeling better

Good Morning World!

This is happiness

Checking In...

The Grim Reaper is a Cold Bastard

For all you Shitty Tippers out in the World...

Someone is going to San Carlos for Christmas

One weekend we towed a barge home....

Birch Bay, Washington April 2011

Happy Easter and a weekend I will not soon forget

Denali's First Trail Ride

Tomorrow is CATCHCON 2011....YEAH BABY!

NOW it feels like I have a horse!

Meet Buddy

Quick life update

I hope you really appreciate this post because I'm freezing my ass off for you.

Untitled

I dedicate this song to my ex husband

Exclusive Deadliest Catch Season 7 trailer UNCENSORED

Deadliest Catch CatchCon 2011 April 9, 2011 Whose Going?

Hello People...I'm 11 Years Old

I'm not creative enough to come up with a title for this long ass post so just read it and be happy mmmkay.

Country Living

I live

8 inches of Snow last night and guess what, mother nature is having another fit. It is snowing again.

SNOW DAY!

Home today...going out in the world is just to depressing

*** UPDATED*** The only Pirate I like is Captain Jack Sparrow, other than that this Pirate thing is out of control and needs to be stopped!

"Written in the Stars" Totally digging this song too take a listen!

"Sail" Loving this song right now

DC Season 7 Sneak Peak!

My Stress Test

Being Lazy until I have to work it.

Gusty Saturday morning and further proof I'm falling apart at 32

It's 4am I'm up...can't sleep so why knot.

Yada-Yada #87532

Happy 32nd Birthday to ME!

Gauge is becoming a Farm Dog

I'm stuck, now what?

The Farm Girl in me tried hard

"OH for peas and corn!"

Change is in the air...(and I don't just mean my birth sign)

What the fuck? One day I'm an Aquarius the next minute I'm a Capricorn? This sounds like a consiracy to me.

Boyfriend is earning some serious brownie points

It's snowing...it's cold...

Inside me is my inner fat girl trying to get out...

The Adventures of Denali Part 1

The BEST-est YUMMIEST, Drink, since...well, when I turned 21 and had my first Blue Hawaiian that was OMFG 10 years ago! ANYWAYS

Current debate between the boyfriend and I:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Zap out complextion worries with my new favorite thing!

A Gift from a cross the miles...made for a perfect ending to a really craptastic day.

* UPDATED* The only Pirate I like is Captain Jack Sparrow, other than that this Pirate thing is out of control and needs to be stopped!